comedy4cast #821

Odd News+ for August 29, 2024

"He's Got The Look"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 821: He's Got The Look.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: FULL BODY SPRAY

CLINTON

Here are our stories for Thursday, August 29th, 2024.

With the rising popularity of so-called full body deodorants, health and beauty product companies have been looking for ways to expand the market even further. After all, a person will use many times the normal amount of product when they use it over their entire...person.

However, the logical path forward, providing deodorant for clothes, seemed to be blocked. The culprit? The recent, dramatic rise in products that will infuse your clothes with so-called fresh scents that last an unnatural length of time.

But never underestimate the power of marketing.

Next month, be on the lookout for the introduction of supercedent sprays. Or S-Sprays for short. When applied daily to the entire body and clothing, S-Sprays will literally let the wearer overwrite another person's scent. Everything from colognes and perfumes to actual pheromones will be replaced with whatever scent the spray-wearer happens to be using that day.

Hopefully it will not be available in Pumpkin Spice.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: MULLET

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

If 12-year-old Patrick Hayes of Cumming, Georgia, is walking towards you, you can clearly tell that he's all business. But, what's odd is that when he walks away, you get the impression he's prone to party.

That's when it hits you. He's both! Because Patrick Hayes has a mullet haircut.

Now a mullet is a complex hairstyle to manage. But don't worry. Patrick has been growing his hockey haircut since he was 7 years old. In fact, Patrick says it's how his friends know him. He also gets compliments on his do all the time.

Very impressive. With a reputation like that, you might wonder how Patrick's Missouri Compromise stacks up against those of all the other mullet mavens out there. Patrick wondered, too. And there was only one way to find out. Patrick entered the 2024 USA Mullet Championship.

While this is the first time Patrick will be competing in the championship, contestants as young as newborn can enter. Does that mean you can be born with a full head of Carolina Crash Helmet hair? Maybe so.

The USA Mullet Championship started as a local Michigan competition in 2020. Since then it has grown into a nation-wide event with three "Kids" divisions, zero to 4 years old, 5 to 7, and 8 to 12, "Teens" 13 to 17 and Adults. Anyone old enough is welcome to compete in the Adult division, so no matter who you are, if you're 18+ and rockin' a Kentucky Waterfall, sign up!

The contest is all in fun, but, according to the Mullet Championship website, part of the championship funds go to the Jared Allen’s Homes for Wounded Warriors, a nonprofit that provides mortgage-free homes to critically-wounded combat veterans.

The question you may be asking now is, did Patrick Hayes win in his division? At the time of recording we here at Odd News+ didn't know. But you can find out because the winners were scheduled to be announced on August 29th. That means you and your Tennessee Top Hat just need to cruise over to mulletchamp.com to see a list of the winners.

But since all the contestants have mullets, aren't they all winners?

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: MINOR STORY 2

CLINTON

And finally,

In seasonal news, it's time to start thinking about the holidays. Now, now. We're not trying to rush you into making up your wish list or going up to the attic to bring down the ornaments. Assuming you ever took then down in the first place.

What? It's a year round display for my collectibles!

But this is something much more important. You need to remember who gave you what last year. After all, you don't want to re-gift to the same person who originally gave you that nose-shaped pepper shaker.

Now you don't have to. Tech startup Past Presents has just launched it service that will handle everything for you. A press release from the company outlines the process.

It seems that all you have to do is take several photos of the items you want to get rid of and upload them to the Past Presents web site. Within 30 minutes you'll get an email that will let you know if your items has been approved for the Past Presents service. Then, it's just a matter of boxing up the unwanted gifts and mailing them to the address that will be in a text sent to you within 2 business days of item approval.

Once received at the Past Presents warehouse, your items will be scanned and catalogued, co-mingled with thousands of other unwanted treasures and carefully stored in a state-of-the-art, purpose-built, climate-controlled environment.

Then, as a Past Presents valued member, when you feel pressured to give a gift to a relative or co-worker, simply log onto the Member Portal with your password, fill out a brief online questionnaire about the intended recipient and, for a small processing fee that covers storage, processing and handling, an AI-matched item from our warehouse will be identified, retrieved by the latest generation of industrial robots, carefully packed and mailed for delivery within 4 to 6 weeks.

Faster premium shipping is available at an additional cost. Or upgrade to fastest premiere shipping. Gift wrapping also available at an additional charge.

It's just that easy.

Now, aren't you glad you didn't do something silly like donate that item to a worthy cause? Of course you are.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

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