comedy4cast #820

Odd News+ for August 28, 2024

"Signs Of Trouble"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

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ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog-ear that for now.

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CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 820: Signs of Trouble.

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CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Let's get started with "Odd News+"!

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SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: MINOR STORY

CLINTON

Here are our Odd News stories for Wednesday, August 28th, 2024.

First up...

A shocking new report says those autographs you got from your favorite celebrities at a convention may be forgeries. Using the latest advances in AI and robotics, famous people are deciding to ditch the crowds. Instead, life-like automatons deal with the endless lines of selfie seekers and autograph collectors.

It was a nearly perfect plan, but when Nathan Fillion showed up at conventions in New York, Berlin and Los Angeles on the same day, people became a bit suspicious.

Regarding one celebrity in particular, a fan said that they could tell something was wrong because the TV star was "super nice and listened to my whole rambling fan fiction story."

While authorities have put a end to this clear violation of contract, that fan is hoping the robot comes back to Comic Con again next year because she has lots more fanfic to share.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: MAIN STORY

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

This story practically writes itself.

Morehead City, North Carolina. An average town that uses the word city in its name. Just to make sure you're paying attention.

A town where you can catch a baseball game featuring the Morehead City Marlins at Big Rock Stadium, charter a private boat tour along the Crystal Coast or dine at one of the town's -- not city's -- many restaurants.

Which brings us to Ioanni's Grill & Bar, where the friendly message "Happy Birthday Jeff" ended up staying on their sign's message board for several weeks.

Eventually, Clarke Merrell, owner of the neighboring Dank Burrito restaurant had had enough. He used the Dank Burrito message board to craft the message "Ioanni's quit being lazy, change your sign."

Sam Turnage, owner of Ioanni's did just that. Changing the sign to read "Dank, we are not lazy. Just busier than you."

Gauntlet thrown. Second volley fired. It was now all out war.

Dank Burrito responded with a new sign. "Y'all just look busy because it takes 2 hours for a dollar taco."

The good natured ribbing... Wait. Do they serve ribs? Anyway, the signs caught the attention of other businesses in the area. Soon, they were weighing in on the battle with message board missives of their own.

Flashbax Arcade Retro Fun Center messaged "Let's Squash this beef like men...over a game of Soul Calibur!"

Sandy's Flower Shoppe took the opportunity to remind people "Burrito R Great. Bouquets R better."

Furniture store Our Coastal Home wanted to declare it's neutrality by posting their message "No Beef. We're 4 the sheets, not the streets."

And one local church chimed in with "Ioanni's / Dank Our church has better service."

But when EJW Outdoors sporting goods store had their sign read "Guys, do we need to taco about it?" Dank Burritos replied, via their sign "Guac off EJW. this is nacho beef"

All in all, about 70 businesses have been playing along with this faux fight. And people have been stopping to take pictures of the signs. And hopefully stopping into the stores and restaurants.

When will it all end? That's hard to say. Dank Burrito owner Clarke Merrill thought it would have already ended. But Sam Turnage wants to keep things going as long as possible.

In case things get too hot, guys, remember the message sign outside the Morehead City -- not a city -- Fire Department station number 2. "In Queso Fire, call 911"

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: CHIA PET

CLINTON

And finally...

it's time for another gardening tip straight out of the Middle-Aged Farmer's Almanac.

Creating a topiary garden can be a demanding yet fascinating hobby. It requires the skills of a master gardener and the talent of a world-class sculptor. If that doesn't sound like you, consider the new line of giant Chia Pets. They're just like normal Chia Pets, but supersized. Your neighbors across the street will be literally stunned by the six-foot-tall Bob Ross head on your front lawn. The one with that grin, the one that just stares at them, unblinking, 24 hours a day.

Not creepy at all.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

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