comedy4cast #816

Odd News+ for August 24, 2024

"Trash Talk"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

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ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

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CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 816: Trash Talk

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CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Let's get started with "Odd News+"!

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SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: WALLPAPER

CLINTON

Here are our Odd News stories for Saturday, August 24th, 2024.

First up today, another tip from, Lucas, the repair person who comes in to fix things here in the comedy4cast studios.

Applying wallpaper can be a nerve-wracking experience. There are surfaces to prepare, patterns to match, and all that messy wallpaper glue to clean up! Lucas has a tip to make things easier.

He suggests you begin by applying a base coat of white paint, followed by an coat or two of a nice wall color. Then let that dry and walk away. Wallpaper went out with the horse and buggy. What are you? A hundred years old?

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: TRASH TOWN

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

Litterbugs. Like the Blue Man Group and Cirque de Solie, they're everywhere. Only slightly more annoying.

And the town of Babylon on New York's Long Island is apparently full of them. Uh. Litterbugs, not those other two annoyances.

In the first half of 2024 alone, more than 250 tons of road trash has been picked up in Babylon. That's more than a ton for every single Babylonian. Clearly, something had to be done.

Enter Babylon's "Operation Clean". A name we hope they didn't spend a long time brainstorming.

The campaign kicked off earlier this year with a TV ad depicting a gentleman tossing trash everywhere, to the chagrin of anyone within striking distance of his messy mayhem. But, eventually, what goes around comes around as a garbage truck backs up to the litterbug's house and dumps a load of trash on his lawn. The entire neighborhood applauds.

Harsh, Babylonians. Harsh.

But necessary. In addition to that 250 tons of road trash, another 15,000 pounds of trash have been removed from the creeks that lead into the Great South Bay. Babylon is developing a reputation for being a village of slobs. Officials want it to end.

New anti-littering signs have been popping up. They say,"Why are you littering? followed by four options, which are all checked off. "I am lazy. I don't care about natural areas. Mommy still cleans up after me" or "All of the above." Psst. If you check off "All of the above," you don't need to check off the other three. Also, a roadside sign with 23 words is a bit much, unless the speed limit in town is 5 miles an hour.

Can all these measures reverse the trend? If not, the town has one more trick up its sleeve. First-time offenders will now face a fine of up to $1,000 for littering. And that might be the best way to take some paper out of the hands of the litterbugs.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: MUMMIES

CLINTON

And finally...

Officials in Egypt announced the discovery of 30 ancient mummies in a previously unknown burial site in the Valley of the Kings. When questioned about the condition of the mummies, famed Egyptologist Zahi Hawass was quoted as saying "Terrible. They're all dead. What kind of a question is that. These people are over 4,000 years old. What? Did you expect then get up and do the hokie pokey?"

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

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