comedy4cast #811

Odd News+ for August 19, 2024

"Barking Up A Dead End Tree"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 811: Barking Up A Dead End Tree.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: HOROSCOPE

CLINTON

Here are our stories for Monday, August 19th, 2024.

First up, a look at your daily horoscope. If you're a Taurus, today is the day to embrace change. Acknowledge the truth that it can be scary. But by doing it now, you will instantly see how the world responds positively to your change. After all, you've been wearing the same socks for, what, a week? Those things are getting nasty.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: CATS AND DOGS

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

The war between cats and dogs. It's an eternal battle. But recent research indicates that cats won the first skirmishes. And in a somewhat terrifying way.

Let's journey back to the Eocene Era, a time that goes back even farther than the earliest songs in the Eras Tour.

Around 30 to 50 million years, in fact.

During this period, at their peak, about 30 different wild canine species roamed what is now North America. But a new study says that most of these ancient dogs disappeared about 20 million years ago. And this was long before we could put RFID chips in them.

The culprit? Early cats.

Lead study author Daniele Silvestro explains that he and his team looked at fossils from all sorts of animals that lived in the same area, from about 20-40 million years ago. They wanted to see which animals might have been directly competing for the same food as the dogs.

According to Silvestro, ancient cats like the false-sabretooth cat fit the profile perfectly: they were about the same size as the canines, they ate the same food and were thriving and diversifying at the same time as the dogs rapidly vanished from the fossil record.

Today, there are only about nine different wild dog species living in North America, down from that high of 30.

Simply put, early cats were better at hunting for the same food.

Fortunately for early dogs, they decided to wise up and form the first Survivor-level tribe by palling around with early humans. According to a recent genetic study, dogs began to separate from wolves about 27,000 years ago, which is much earlier than was previously believed. On the other hand, the earliest evidence of wildcats putting up with living alongside humans only dates back about 9,500 years.

Will cats catch up? Will dogs gain he intelligence to use laser pointers to distract their feline foes? Only time will tell.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: COMING UP

CLINTON

And finally, coming up later this week, it's called mini golf, but the balls are exactly the same size the ones used in regular golf. Our Odd News+ consumer affairs reporter, Gabriela Ortiz, investigates. Then, the cast of 60 Minutes will be in to discuss their upcoming musical episode.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

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