comedy4cast #808

Odd News+ for Friday, August 16

"We Lost The Meats"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 808: We Lost The Meats

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: FASHION

CLINTON

Here are our Odd News stories for Friday, August 16, 2024.

First up, this fall your coat is going to need to make a fashion statement. Faux fur, fringe and feathers will be on-point ways to make it happen. But leading designers, like Kerby Jean-Raymond, Rhianna, Vivienne Westwood and Hedi Slimane are all-in one bold idea: scrap fabric patchworks.

The look was inspired by what designer Stella McCartney said was "the realization that the lot of us end up with a ton of useless small bits of fabric. It's all over the floor. So we all got together and tossed all that junk into a bin." That's why no two scrap fabric patchworks are quite the same.

That means this year, don't be surprise if you ask someone "who are you wearing" and they rattle off two dozen names. They're not wrong.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: MAIN STORY

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

For this Pizza Friday story we head to Los Angeles, get off the 101 and head down Sunset Boulevard. Our destination? Arby's Roast Beef.

Hold on. This isn't a story about someone trying to put Horsey Sauce on a pizza.

(to himself)

I hope that's not a reall thing.

(to audience)

In fact, it's not about roast beef. And there isn't even an Arby's restaurant at 5920 Sunset anymore.

Last month Arby's announced that their restaurant on Sunset, which had been in operation since 1969 was closing. While some were going to miss the food, and would have to begin asking "Who has the meats now?" other people were lamenting the loss of the classic Arby's Roast Beef sign -- a giant 10-gallon cowboy hat, outlined in yellow with red letters in neon proclaiming "Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich is delicious". Hey, it's no Simon & Garfunkle "Sounds of Silence" neon sign, but it works.

These behemoths once dotted the country. But as times and tastes changed, so did the signs. Precious few of the Vegas-worthy versions remain.

Disclaimer here: This reporter once worked at Arby's.

Okay. All that is well and good, but what does it have to do with pizza?

Well, the sign has gotten at least a temporary reprieve. Because Prince Street Pizza, a New York City-based restaurant chain, will be using the former Arby's location as a pop-up drive-thru pizza location until Halloween.

Unlike other Prince Street Pizza locations, the Sunset store will only serve pizza by the slice and only via the drive-thru. The entire inside of the building has been converted into a kitchen for the project.

Hold on. Now the sign out front must now be "Prince Street Pizza" and not "Arby's Roast Beef." So much for saving the old clock tower, McFly!

Nay nay. While the building itself has been painted white, with signature green accents and signage, the 10-gallon hat sign out front remains the same as it's always been. The smaller sign below with removable letters for specials and the like now reads "L.A. Traffic Sucks A Lot Less with a Slice" and "No Ranch."

Oh. And one more thing. Why, you might ask, does Arby's use a 10-gallon hat as it's icon? The answer: just because it would catch your attention. Yee ha!

The Arby's...uh, Prince Street Pizza location on Sunset is open daily from 4pm to 4am through the end of October. Stop by and have a slice for me, will ya?

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: HALLOWEEN HAUNTS

CLINTON

And finally, Halloween is just around the corner. For theme parks it's already started. And for some people, it never really ends. But is there anything new out there? Anything to up the scare factor.

One haunted house things so.

Located at the home of Mr. and Ms. Cower-Angst of Burlington, Vermont, the long approach to their farmhouse is lined with skeletons, jack-o-lanterns, cobwebs and several large-screen TVs.

Hector Cower-Angst explains that as people approach the house, AI-assisted monitors track the guests, observing their behavior and listening to their conversations.

By the time the trick-or-treaters reach the front gate, sophisticated profiling software has determined what the visitor's deepest, darkest, most horrific fears are. Then, image rendering software generates lifelike pictures of those fears and begins projecting it onto the huge monitors.

The candy-seekers must make their way through this hellish gauntlet before reaching the front door. Some visitors never make it, while others end up crawling to the threshold, sobbing uncontrollably.

Hysteria Cower-Angst explains that it's all worth it, as the stalwart survivors are rewarded with a box of raisins.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --