comedy4cast #807

Odd News+ for Thursday, August 15

"A Passage to San Isidro"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 807: A Passage to San Isidro

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

[OPENING SHELL ENDS HERE]

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: HOROSCOPE

CLINTON

Here are our Odd News stories for Thursday, August 15th, 2024.

First up, a look at your daily horoscope. If you're a Capricorn, today will find you in a pessimistic frame of mind. Be sure to take some time to go out for a jog. It will improve your mood. And that will be very helpful when you come home and find out that a meteorite has destroyed your home.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: MAIN STORY

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

Last week, on Chacabuco, a cobbled street in the historic district of San Isidro, Argentina, a delivery driver was sitting in his vehicle, waiting for a customer. Suddenly, the driver heard strange noises under his vehicle.

I think any noise coming from under your car would be strange. I mean, I don't think anyone ever said "That super-loud scraping noise that started after I ran over that speed bump? I'm sure it's nothing. Cars be cars!"

But, back to the story, looking under the vehicle, the driver saw a thick metal rod coming up from the street itself. He immediately notified authorities.

At this point we bid farewell to the anonymous driver, because his part of the story is done. We'll never even know if that customer he was waiting for ever arrived. So, let's say "Yes. They did. And they gave the driver a big tip."

When police arrived on the scene, they noted that the Banco Macro bank's Chacabuco branch was very near the mysterious rod. Police officials notified bank officials who notified technician...officials, who cheched the bank alarms and determined that everything was secure. They notified the bank officials, who notified the police officials.

Then police brought in an investigative unit and an excavation of the street around the rod began. Oh, sure. But when I want a pothole fixed on my street, nobody gets here that fast. Note to self, place mysterious piece of metal in pothole.

According to police, the inconspicuous rod led down three meters to a 150-meter-long tunnel. What? That's over 490 feet long. The tunnel began in a nearby unused shed at 567 Chacabuco.

I took a look on Google maps to check this out. This tunnel started about halfway down one city block, went underneath a busy intersection and then down under most of another city block to get to the Banco Macro branch. And estimates are it took six to nine months to dig this tunnel.

Upon further investigation of the shed, authorities noticed excavating machines on the premises and mountains of dirt on a mattress. For a 490 foot-long tunnel? That would be some mountain of dirt! And a pretty strong mattress. Serta or Tempur-pedic need to jump on this and get it into their ads.

A stairway led down to the tunnel, where wooden planks were used for walls. There were also electrical lights. The illicit excavators even spray painted universal navigation directions on the wall planks. Arrows that pointed toward dollar signs.

The case was immediately compared to the so-called Robo del Siglo or "Heist of the Century" that took place in 2006. In that robbery six robbers breached a Banco Río branch just 20 blocks away from the Banco Macro branch. The thieves entered the bank through a tunnel they had burrowed into the room holding safety deposit boxes. The robbers got away with a total of $19 million US. They were found months later after the ex wife of one came forward. Four of the accomplices were sentenced to prison but are now free. Two were never caught.

I think I know how they might be keeping themselves busy.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: JEOPARDY

CLINTON

And finally, in entertainment news, "Jeopardy" is reeling from a contestant's response during a recent taping.

On the episode, when contestant Dieter Waterson asked for the 400 answer in the Potent Potables category. Ken Jennings replied "The answer is..." which was immediately followed by an electronic sound and a special graphic. Jennings continued "The Daily Double!" Waterson quickly replied "What is the graphic on that screen?!"

After a pause, the answer was ruled to be correct. "What is the graphic on that screen?" "The answer is 'The Daily Double'."

Producers are workshopping a new line for Jennings to say.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

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