comedy4cast #806

Odd News+ for Wednesday, August 14

"Lately It's Not So Stately"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 806: Lately It's Not So Stately

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: ELIMINATING BUGS

CLINTON

Here are our Odd News stories for Wednesday, August 14, 2024.

First up, it's time for another gardening tip straight out of the Middle-Aged Farmer's Almanac.

Pests feeding on your plantings can ruin your garden. The almanac suggests that instead of using expensive, and potentially harmful insecticides, simply apply a thin coat of car wax to all surfaces of the plant. Bugs will slide right off.

Is this almanac getting its ideas off TikTok?

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: MENTMORE TOWERS

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

Forget about savings Gotham City from the Joker, Batman, you need to call a plumber!

If you've ever seen the 2005 movie "Batman Begins," then you may recall having seen Bruce Wayne at his stately Wayne Manor. The fictitious house bizarrely built directly over a cave. And while the location is real, it's not Wayne Manor. It's Mentmore Towers, located in Buckinghamshire, England. And before you ask. There is no cave below it. Or is that what Batman wants us to believe?

Mentmore has been featured several films, including "Eyes Wide Shut," "The Mummy Returns," "Brazil" and more. But if you want to get someone's attention, just drop the Bat's name.

The mansion and surrounding property sits on 494 acres of land.

It was built between 1852 and 1854 for the Rothschild family. The sprawling home features a revival of late 16th and early 17th century Elizabethan and Jacobean styles. Mentmore Towers was originally created as a display case for Baron Meyer de Rothschild's huge fine art collection.

A display case? I don't think Rothschild really knew what those were. Anyone out there with a collection of action figures or bowling trophies could have hooked him up with a supplier who would have probably given him a volume discount.

Mentmore was designed by Sir Joseph Paxton, best known for designing the Crystal Palace. And it was one of the earliest houses to have the home comforts of an built-in hot water and a central heating system. Better still, there is a library that has secret rooms behind bookcases. Now, if you could open them by using a button hidden within a statue of Shakespeare, that would be perfect.

Following the baron's death the house was inherited by his daughter Hannah Primrose, Countess of Rosebery, and so on down the line. In 1999 the property was purchased by billionaire property developer Simon Halabi. Halabi had intentions to convert the manor house into a 171-suite, five-star hotel. With a Batcave. I mean, a pool. I'm sure there would have been a pool.

But we'll never know. Halabi's property empire took a huge hit during the 2008 housing market collapse and plans for Mentmore vanished like a bat in the night.

For the past few decades Mentmore Towers has sat abandoned, succumbing to the elements. Ceilings are collapsing, mold and dust are taking their toll. And the only visitors these days are urban explorers. Alfred has really been lax in his duties.

Officials have inspected the mansion in the hopes of restoring the building to its former glory.

A spokesperson for Historic England said, “We are working closely with the owners and Bucks Council to ensure a positive future for Mentmore Towers and parkland."

Unfortunately, that was in May of 2022.

So, someone fire up the Bat Signal. Better yet, fire up Alfred's old Rolodex and get someone out there to fix the front door!

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: HIDDEN FEES

CLINTON

And finally, hidden fees. Hotels, airlines, concerts and online retailers advertise one price, and then tack on hidden fees that can equal or exceed the price of the goods or services.

Recently, CEOs of some of the major offenders were testifying on Capitol Hill. And Congress has just received a bill for their appearance. It includes a charge for responding to specific questions, labeled as "Personalization Fee". A charge for not allowing them to testify over Zoom labeled "Change of Venue Fee". And, in regards to repeated demands by Committee members that the companies change their practices, a "Client Change Request Fee".

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Take to you tomorrow. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

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