comedy4cast #804

Odd News+ for Monday, August 12

"This Story Is All Wet"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 804: This Story Is All Wet

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: RUNNING SHOES

CLINTON

Here are our Odd News stories for Monday, August 12, 2024.

First up, the technology of running shoes is now a billion dollar industry, with near-daily advances in materials and production. But one Silicon Valley startup, FastForward, believes they have tapped into an unexplored area of athletic footwear.

Using innovative dyes and the latest version of Adobe Illustrator, they have crafted double triangle graphics that can be applied to the toes of virtually any shoe. The triangles look like the fast forward icon that appears on most audio and video players.

FastForward CEO Zephyr Rio says the company did suffer a major setback when one of it's early prototypes waa applied backwards and the runner slammed into a wall behind them. AS a precaution all footwear triangle graphics now come with an arrow that shows the direction they should face.

We were told that FastFoward is currently researching the feasibility of adding a third triangle, but fear that humans were simply not meant to run that fast.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: WET SAFE

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

Back in June, James Kane and Barbi Agostini were visiting Flushing Meadows Corona Park. Hey, that's where the 1939-40 and 1964-65 World's Fairs were! Maybe they were there to see the Unisphere. Or visit the former site of It's a Small World! Or go to the New York State pavilion. That builiding you see at the end of "Men in Black." Cool!

Oh. They were there to do magnet fishing. Okay. I guess that's cool.

It was. In fact, Kane and Agostini found some cool cash. Now, they just need to figure out how to save it.

You see, using the magnet, they reeled in a safe that contained around $100,000 in water-damaged $100 bills

I'll bet there must be an interesting story behind how THAT got there. And maybe there is, but we'll never know what it was. The New York Police Department told the couple the cash was theirs to keep since investigators were unable to find any evidence connecting the safe or its contents to a crime.

So, with the most salvageable-looking cash from the safe in a plastic bag, Kane and Agostini took a bus to Washington, D.C. Their hope was that they could have the bills cataloged and replaced at the U.S. Treasury Department's Bureau of Engraving and Printing.

In your dreams! Oh. Nevermind. A Treasury employee estimated there appeared to be $50,000-$70,000 worth of recoverable cash in the plastic bag. The man told Kane and Agostini that the money would be counted and replaced with fresh cash, which they would be able to take home tax-free. The process is expected to take about nine months.

The couple, who took up magnet fishing as an outdoor activity during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, said their previous discoveries include an empty safe, a grenade, multiple guns, a drone and an entire motorcycle.

I really hope those things were all found together, because that would make a very interesting story. This looks like a job for - The Group of Explorers!

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: COFFEE CONVERSATIONS

CLINTON

And finally, Oddn News+ is happy to introduce a new segment, Coffee Conversation, where we slow down the pace and enjoy some coffee while chatting about some of our recent stories.

SFX: QUICK SIP OF COFFEE.

CLINTON

(mouth full of liquid)

How am I supposed to talk like this?

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

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