comedy4cast #798

Odd News+ for Tuesday, August 6

"We're Just Scratching The Surface"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 798: We're Just Scratching The Surface

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: VIRGO HOROSCOPE

CLINTON

Here are our stories for Tuesday, August 6th, 2024.

First up, Odd News+ takes a look at your daily horoscope. If you're a Virgo, good news! Some of your vast financial problems are about to disappear. Your 1993 collectible Ice Cube ice cube tray will sell for fifty bucks on ebay. Just don't question why Ice Cube is the buyer. He really wants those things to disappear.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: STAMPS

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

Are you visiting Paris this Summer? Then say "Au revoir, Olympics!" "Later, Louvre." "Never mind, currently-being-rebuilt Notre-Dam."

They can wait. Once you land at Aéroport Charles de Gaulle, you will want to head straight for the nearest bureau de poste or "post office."

No. Don't stop to buy postcards first. You're not going to the post office to mail anything. You're going there to buy timbres-poste, "postage stamps".

In a move nearly too French to be believed, the bureau de poste has created a unique scratch-and-sniff stamp.

Oh, vraiment?

Is the fragrance of these stamps like that of a bouquet of flowers from Jardin du Luxembourg? Is the redolence that of Chanel No. 5 parfum? Does it smell like the catacombs on a bad day?

No. Or as the French say -- Non. This special scratch-and-sniff stamp smells like baguettes. You know. Those soft, oversized breadsticks that are always way too tall for the grocery bag.

Just one scratch of this exquisite stamp will transport your senses to literally any supermarket, grocery store or bodega you've ever been to.

In true French fashion, Paris gastronomic purists are not impressed. The owner of a bakery near the Champs-Élysées said that the yeast in a true French baguette is gentle. And that the stamp smelled more like vanilla.

After you've purchased your stamps, you can relax and enjoy the rest of your time in Paris. Years from now, when you find the stamps at the bottom of a pile of junk in a desk drawer you can scratch the stamp, take in the aroma and wonder "What the heck was I thinking? I missed seeing the Eiffel Tower to buy these!"

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: BRAIN TEASER

CLINTON

And finally, it's time for the answer to yesterday's Odd News+ brain teaser. We asked you "What is harder to catch the faster you run?" And a lot of people wrote in to say "Your breath".

Ooh. Sorry. That's incorrect. What is harder to catch the faster you run? The correct answer is "Your connecting flight at JFK airport."

As a quick reminder, everyone who answered incorrectly now owes Odd News+ $50.

And all you Virgos, we know you have the cash!

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time. But, for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --