comedy4cast #795

Odd News+ for August 3

"Flying Under The Radar"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 795: Flying Under The Radar

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: CORRECTIONS: MAGNA CARTA

CLINTON

Here are our stories for Saturday, August 3rd, 2024.

First, a correction. On a previous edition of Odd News+ we identified Mr. Charley McCormack of Rumford, Maine as the author of the Magna Carta. Mr. McCormack contacted us to dispute that claim, providing documentation that proves he is only 41 years old. Upon further investigation, it appears that the Magna Carta was created in 1215, giving Mr. McCormack a nearly airtight alibi. Well played. We retract the statement, but we stand by our belief that Mr. McCormack was responsible for the Great Chicago fire of 1871.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: UFOS

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

This past July, an Oklahoma Highway Patrol trooper had an otherworldly encounter. And it didn't even involve probing in all the wrong places.

Trooper Ryan VanVleck stopped an unusual UFO-shaped vehicle on the highway. Okay. There's a lot to unpack here. First of all, we don't call them UFOs anymore. Now we call them UAPs -- because Unidentified Flying Objects is easy to remember -- and say -- so the Pentagon changed it to Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena. Personally, I think that just makes it easier to do that mana mana song to it - Anomalous Phenomena-nama.

Second, what do they mean by unusual? Is there some standard shape for UF...uh, UAPs? Because if we're talking "flying saucer," that's exactly what this thing looked like. So there's nothing unusual about it. A Cybertruck, now that's some anomalous phenomena.

But let's continue, shall we?

Trooper VanVleck stopped the saucer on the Turner Turnpike due to an obstructed tag. Okay. Not because it was a flying saucer, but because he couldn't see a sticker? And how did he stop the saucer, because those things can go pretty fast. Do Oklahoma squad cars have tractor beams. I mean, it would make sense to have a tractor beam in Oklahoma. Okay. That part checks out.

The two occupants of the unusual vehicle -- again with the "unusual" -- explained they were headed to the annual UFO Festival in Roswell, N.M. Notice. Did they say "humans"? "People?" "Folks?" No. The "two occupants." No. These were clearly Klingons, or Killer Clowns from Outer Space or Space Zombies. And Space Zombies are the worst. Yeah, they move slow, but their pod racers -- those go fast!

Trooper VanVleck decided not to issue a citation -- which is interesting because let's face it, alien joyriders aren't coming back for a court appearance so that's an easy automatic suspension of their Hyperspace license. Instead, the trooper took some selfies with the UFO -- and one of the aliens is clearly giving a sarcastic Vulcan salute. And then the Trooper let the driver and passenger go with a warning.

Which, finally, was great. Because usually it's the aliens who are being all bossie. You know -- Surrender of die. Take us to your leader! E.T. phone home. I just hope Trooper VanVleck made the most of that warning, like "stop dumping those damned monoliths everywhere or we'll start sending you NFTs and Crocks!"

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: PREDICTIONS

CLINTON

And finally, The future. A source of endless fascination. What does tomorrow have in store for us all? To find out, Odd News+ posed that question to some of the today's greatest visionaries in the fields of technology, urban planning, transportation, climate, economics and communications. What surprised us is, they all agreed on this topic. The future will bring us more episodes of SpongBob Squarepants.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That about wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

That's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --