comedy4cast #794

Odd News+ for August 2

"It Takes Two. And Two. And Two"

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON............................CLINTON ALVORD

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.

CLINTON

This is comedy4cast, episode 794: It Takes Two. And Two. And Two.

MUSIC: OPENING THEME MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

It's time, once again, for the Dog Days of Podcasting, a call for podcasters to try to put out a podcast every day in August. For more information and to hear all the shows, go to dogdaysofpodcasting.com.

Here at the comedy4cast studio we've been working on a new format for this year's dog days. Sure, like in years past, there will be an actual odd news story, but that's not all. So, let's get started with "Odd News+"!

MUSIC: THEME MUSIC UP AND OUT.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 1: PIZZA

CLINTON

Here are our stories for Friday, August 2, 2024.

First up, it's Friday. And that means it's Pizza Friday. Did you know that the first Pizza Friday was kind of a mistake? Giovanni Pepperoncini, often cited as the creator of this worldwide phenomenon, originally wanted it to be Pizza Thursday. But by the time he got his friends to all agree on which restaurant to go to, and then talked his girlfriend out of ordering a Hawaiian pizza and then cousin Phil deciding to begin the meal with an appetizer of breadsticks, even though that made no sense -- I mean, it was just more dough! Well...by that point it was Pizza Friday.

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 2: TWINS

CLINTON

Now lets get to our actual, for-real Odd News story...

This past June, moving on to high school was a big deal in Needham, Massachusetts. That's because 23 sets of twins graduated eight grade at the Pollard Middle School. Another student, who is also a twin, was part of the graduation, but her brother attends a different school.

I'm guessing the twin that graduated from Pollard Middle School was like "Brayden is such a loser. I think being a twin is cool, but Brayen hates it. He says it makes everything too competitive. But he would say that, since he's, like, a whole five minutes younger than me. Loser!"

The school gave a special shout-out to the 23 sets of twins during the so-called “moving up” ceremony. Although I could see some parents getting upset if the principal started throwing in things like, "You're the high school's problem now. I'm having a drink and I can assure you, it won't be a double!"

And you know there had to have been some teachers in a panic, worried that they gave the wrong twin a passing grade. "They all wear matching outfits. It's too confusing. Where's that drink?"

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, twins account for around 3% of births in the U.S. But, in this case, twins made up about 10% of the eight-grade class.

Pretty impressive, until I came across this story.

Because right around the same time those 23 sets of twins were graduating eight grade in Massachusetts, over in Ohio, the Cleveland Clinic was caring for seven sets of newborn twins.

So Finnegan, Theodore, Reid, Elliot and the rest, I look forward to covering your eight grade graduation in 2037. Where's my drink?

SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.

STORY 3: COMING UP

CLINTON

And finally, coming up this weekend on Odd News+ --

Pulling into a parking space or backing into a parking space. Which is better?

We found out by turning over the car keys to 20 lab mice. Spoiler: It did not go well. Turns out they couldn't see over the steering wheel. On the plus side, we got plenty of viral video content. But Squeaky, you will be missed.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: 'END THEME'

CLINTON

That wraps it up for today's Odd News+. A big thanks to the comedy4cast patrons for helping make this show possible.

Story, voices and original music by Clinton Alvord, Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.

Talk to you next time! But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye!

MUSIC: 'END THEME' UP AND OUT.

-- THE END --