comedy4cast #792
Danny Hillcrest Previews More 2024 Summer Movies
Written by
Clinton Alvord
CAST
(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)
ID ANNOUNCER.......................COMPUTER
CLINTON
BUZZ "SCOOP" CRACKERJACK THOMAS
DANNY HILLCREST
ANNOUNCER
GRU
BOB, CARL, LARRY, & GROUP OF MINIONS
CHANNING
TYLER
DEADPOOL
WOLVERINE.........................CLINTON ALVORD
SCARLETT
KATE.............................BONNIE KENDERDINE
INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO
MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING
ID ANNOUNCER
The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.
MUSIC: ID MUSIC UP AND OUT.
CLINTON
Oh, hi! Clinton here. And welcome to my show! In fact, this is the first episode of comedy4cast's 20th season! Wow!
MUSIC: OPENING CREDITS THEME IN AND UNDER.
This is comedy4cast, episode 792 "Danny Hillcrest Previews More 2024 Summer Movies". Brought to you by my amazing Patreon Patrons, including the newest patron, Krazy Joe's Concession Stand. Thank you!
To become a patron yourself, help me do what I do here, and get episodes before everyone else, go to patreon.com/comedy4cast (all one word, with the number 4).
Okay. On with the show!
MUSIC: OPENING CREDITS THEME UP AND OUT.
SCENE 1: TV STUDIO - NIGHT
BUZZ
And finally tonight, we normally end the broadcast with some sort of short feel-good, human-interest story that my producer thinks will magically make you forget the preceding 25 minutes of doom and gloom. But tonight, so that I -- Buzz "Scoop" Crackerjack Thomas, Ace Investigative Field Reporter for the Middling Fair Courier Times Roman Bold Italic -- can feel good, I'm ending the newscast before a certain Danny...
DANNY
Hi! Danny Hillcrest here!
BUZZ
Gah! Not fast enough! So much for joy in Mudville.
DANNY
It looks like I got here just in the nick-at-night of time for...
MUSIC: DANNY'S HOLLYWOOD THEME IN AND UNDER.
ANNOUNCER
Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer Summer 2024 Movie Previews Review! Part 2!
MUSIC: MUSIC UP AND OUT.
ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
Sponsored by Smellz-a-Lot Hand Soap. Twice as effective when you use it two times a day!
BUZZ
I was hoping to avoid another one of these Hillcrest, Your movie previews are filled with inaccurate, convoluted and preposterous information and you play clips that don't even appear in the movies.
DANNY
Can I quote you on that, Buzz.
BUZZ
Yes, you certainly can.
DANNY
I love it. Buzz says my movie previews are filled with all kinds of information and rare, never-before-seen clips.
BUZZ
Wait a second! That's not what I...
DANNY
Let's beginningly get started with...
MUSIC: DANNY'S HOLLYWOOD THEME IN AND UNDER.
ANNOUNCER
Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer Summer 2024 Movie Previews Review! Part 2!
MUSIC: MUSIC UP AND OUT.
ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
Sponsored by Smellz-a-Lot Hand Soap. Now available in a soap-free formulas, for just five dollars more!
DANNY
First up, on July 3rd, it's "Despicable Me 4". Which, somehow, is the 6th movie in this gravy-train franchise. In the film, Gru, the Gru crew and a new Gru, Jr. too, have a new caper to...cape. But, this time, the danger is dialed up 10.999.9. In this exclusively made-up clip, something has gone horribly wrong.
SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.
SCENE 2: CLIP FROM "DESPICABLE ME 4"
SFX: EXTRA COMPRESSED SOUND TO SIGNAL THIS IS A CLIP.
GRU
My minions, we are gathered to say goodbye to your dear comrade, Larry. He may be gone, but...
BOB
Butt!
BOB and the OTHER MINIONS laugh.
GRU
(clearing throat to silence crowd)
Ahem. It has always been one of those great mysteries of the universe. How many times can a minion be squished, stretched, bonked, run over, blown up and shot into space before it is one time too many. Well, now we know. Because Carl here pushed dear Larry over the edge by zapping him with my Static Ray wand.
SXF: SMALL ELECTRICITY SPARK.
GRU (cont'd)
And you can be sure you won't be getting this thing back anytime soon, Carl.
CARL
Awwww.
GRU
Let this be a warning to the rest of you, my Minion friends. You are like Larry. You can only be crushed, shredded, deep fried, dropped from a hand glider, swallowed by a wallaby, catapulted into a brick wall, flash frozen, or shoved inside of a tiny bottle a grand total of 127 times.
LARRY
Groans.
MINIONS gasp.
CARL
Larry!
GRU
What?
SFX: WAND FALLING TO GROUND.
GRU (cont'd)
Oops!
SFX: HUGE STATIC ZAP WITH A SCREAM FROM LARRY.
SFX: THUD OF MINION BODY FALLING TO THE FLOOR.
GRU (cont'd)
My bad. Make that 128 times.
CARL
Elimination!
SFX: BACKGROUND ATMOSPHERE ENDS.
SFX: TRANSITION WOOSH.
SCENE 3: TV STUDIO - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
BUZZ
Wolloping Walter Cronkite! That seems a little dark, Hillcrest.
DANNY
It's not dark, Buzz. It's just color graded that way. And speakingly talking about color, you might not believe this Buzz, but the 1960's weren't all in black and white. It's true! That's why "Fly Me To The Moon" openingly premiering on July 12th is in color.
This soaringly high-flying film stars Channing "Magic Cobra" Tatum and Scarlett "My name means red, but I play Black Widow" Johansson. They work for the 1960's NASA national space agency. The people who invented Tang!
SFX: DING.
BUZZ
Congratulations, Hillcrest. That is your 1,000th made up bit of movie trivia.
DANNY
I love it! In this never-before-filmed scene, Scarlett and Tatum are discussingly talking about a top shelf bottom drawer secret project she has been working on.
SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.
SCENE 4: CLIP FROM "FLY ME TO THE MOON"
SFX: EXTRA COMPRESSED SOUND TO SIGNAL THIS IS A CLIP.
SFX: OFFICE DOOR CLOSES.
CHANNING
What do you mean you're going to film a fake moon landing?
SCARLETT
It's just in case something...you know...goes wrong.
CHANNING
Nothing is going to go wrong! This is 1960's NASA. You know. Old school "Right Stuff" "Failure is not an option" NASA We've practiced. Like, really hard. This mission is going to go off without a hitch.
SCARLETT
Yeah. Well, I looked at the flight plan. And even I spotted a huge problem.
CHANNING
(defensive)
What?
SFX: RUSTLE OF PAPERS.
SCARLETT
Right here. Page 14. When you're getting ready for Trans-Lunar Injection.
CHANNING
(impatient)
Yeah?
SCARLETT
Look. With your eyes. Right here. The earth is round, like a ball. And on this printout, it's just a flat circle.
CHANNING
(agitated, practically speechless)
You...That's...
(180 shift, in agreement)
Wow. That is a huge problem. Seriously. You'd better get to this fake landing thing going right away. Do you think we should tell Neil and Buzz about this?
SFX: TRANSITION WOOSH.
SCENE 5: TV STUDIO - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
BUZZ
Hillcrest. Have you been eating weird mushrooms or something?
DANNY
No. Because I haven't washed my hands, Which means it's a great time to talkingly speak about my sponsor, Smellz-a-Lot Hand Soap. You know how some bars of soap leave a slimy mess in the soap dish? I don't love that. But that never happens with Smellz-a-Lot Hand Soap. That's because Smellz-a-Lot is one-quarter iron filings. It only leaves behind a pleasant rust stain . Smellz-a-Lot Hand Soap. Every bar comes with a coupon for a free tetanus shot.
BUZZ
How can they sell something like that? Who asked for it?
DANNY
That's a great way to segue into my next film preview review.
On July 19th, the winds change to faster winds with the not-quite-a-sequel sequel to the 1996 flick "Twister", called "Twisters". They put on the last "s" for savings! I guess, they figure if it workingly mades sense for the sequel to "Alien," why not?
Check out the action in this not-a-clip clip.
SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.
SCENE 6: CLIP FROM "TWISTERS"
SFX: WIND IN BACKGROUND.
SFX: TRUCK BARRELING DOWN ROAD.
SFX: SWITCH TO TRUCK INTERIOR.
KATE
We're getting too close, Tyler.
TYLER
Nah. Not a chance. This is where the fun begins. Yeehaa!
SFX: TIRES SQUEAL AS TRUCK STOPS.
KATE
What are you doing?
SFX: TRUCK DOOR OPENS.
TYLER
Getting out to have a better look.
KATE
What?!
TYLER
Come on!
KATE
Get back here!
(mumbling to herself)
Macho idiot.
(resigned that she has to go get him)
Aaaarrrr.
SFX: OTHER TRUCK DOOR OPENS.
SFX: FOOTSTEPS AS KATE WALKS OVER TO TYLER.
KATE (cont'd)
Listen, cowboy. I've dealt with a twister before, you know. Did you even bother to read my report?!
TYLER
Stop worrying. The twister's way over there.
KATE
Don't you get it? It's not just one twister. Unlike you, it has brains. Look at your scope.
TYLER
Okay. Whatever.
SFX: MULTIPLE METER STARTS CLICKING FASTER.
TYLER (cont'd)
Now that can't be. There's one there. And there. We're...We're surrounded.
SFX: COW MOOING.
KATE
Look out! Incoming flying cow!
TYLER
It's headed right for my truck!
SFX: COW MOOS AS IT FLIES BY AND SLAMS INTO TRUCK.
SFX: COW EXPLODES.
SFX: FIRE.
TYLER (cont'd)
My truck! It's gone. Game over, man! Game over!
TYLER continues to cry in hysterics.
KATE
(to herself)
I sure hope things go better in "Twister 3".
SFX: TRANSITION WOOSH.
SCENE 7: TV STUDIO - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
BUZZ
Well, that just about does it, I hope.
DANNY
Well, abandonly put aside that hope, Buzz, because on July 26th, Rhythm and Hue Jackman and Ryan Reynolds wrap Bring their iconic characters Deadpool and Wolverine back life on the silver surfer screen.
This movie pushes the peel-and-seal envelope by introducing a bold new concept -- the "multiverse." Using a sling ring pop portal, Daftpunk and Wolfman Jack, hop from one franchise reference to another.
Check out this exclusive clip that never was.
SFX: TRANSITION WHOOSH.
SCENE 8: CLIP FROM "DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE"
MUSIC: SHORT, DRAMATIC MARVEL-TYPE MUSIC.
SFX: SLING RING PORTAL SPARKS, ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.
SFX: FEEL LAND ON THE GROUND.
SFX: PORTAL CLOSES WITH A SUCKING SOUND.
WOLVERINE
Where are we now? And who do I have to claw?
DEADPOOL
Clam down, Sparky. I think we've reached the end.
WOLVERINE
What do you mean? The major boss battle?
SFX: CLAWS EXTEND.
WOLVEINE
I'm ready.
DEADPOOL
No. Put those things away. I mean we've referenced every single thing in the M-C-U, the extended M-C-U, the Marvel comics, all the Disney characters...
WOLVERINE
Don't forget "Star Wars"...
DEADPOOL
Yeah. And "The Simpsons" and "Avatar", and... I don't know. I think...I think we need to move over to another franchise to keep going.
WOLVERINE
Hmmm. "Star Trek"?
DEADPOOL
With Paramount going through that massive meldown? No thank you.
WOLVERINE
Okay. "Doctor Who"?
Time travel gives me a headache. Besides, there's something wrong with a character that keeps coming back from the dead. We need something rock solid. And if it's out there. We'll find it. Let's got!
SFX: PORTAL CRACKLES OPEN.
DEADPOOL and WOLVERINE grunt as they jump into the portal.
SFX: PORTAL CLOSES.
SFX: TRANSITION WOOSH.
SCENE 9: TV STUDIO - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
BUZZ
Now are you done?
DANNY
Do you mean, am I done with...
MUSIC: DANNY'S HOLLYWOOD THEME IN AND UNDER.
ANNOUNCER
Danny Hillcrest's Sizzling Summer Summer 2024 Movie Previews Review! Part 2!
MUSIC: MUSIC UP AND OUT.
ANNOUNCER (cont'd)
Sponsored by Smellz-a-Lot Hand Soap. Protective eyewear recommended!
BUZZ
Yes, Hillcrest, that is exactly what I mean.
DANNY
I sure am.
SFX: SLING RING PORTAL SPARKS, ELECTRICITY CRACKLES.
SFX: FEEL LAND ON THE GROUND.
SFX: PORTAL CLOSES WITH A SUCKING SOUND.
WOLVERINE
(exhausted, as if this is far from the first stop)
Deadpool, s this one it?
DEADPOOL
Oh, absolutely not. I'd rather be stuck in an endless Mint Mobile ad. Come one.
SFX: PORTAL CRACKLES OPEN.
DEADPOOL and WOLVERINE grunt as they jump into the portal.
SFX: PORTAL CLOSES.
DANNY
I love it!
SCENE OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO
MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST END THEME
MUSIC: END THEME IN AND UNDER.
CLINTON
In this episode, as Scarlett and Kate, Bonnie Kenderdine. Additional voices, as well as story and music - without the use of A.I. -- not that there's anything wrong with that -- by me, Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2024. All rights reserved.
In our next episode, Detective Haartte plays host to a unusual guest. Naturally, chaos ensues. So stay subscribed -- It's the best way to make sure you never miss an episode. You know -- in case the algorithm decides to not show you my post about new content. You'll find links over at comedy4cast.com
But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.
MUSIC: UP AND OUT.
-- THE END --