BIG_SHOT-ProductionDraft-Chapter12

comedy4cast #780

BIG SHOT

Chapter 12: A Cup Full Of Danger!

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER..................COMPUTER

CLINTON

DETECTIVE HAARTTE

GILES

CAP

CAPRICA COFFEE OWNER.......CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR......................GARY J. CHAMBERS

ABBY FALMACHER................BONNIE KENDERDINE

STRANGER......................GRANT JOHNSON

INTRO 12-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you.

Why not join Zack, Charlotte, Amy, and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, got to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 12: A Cup Full Of Danger!

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, the mysterious stranger who is in Middling Fair looking for Danny Hillcrest headed out of the Venus Arms Hotel to get some breakfast, but, before he left, he informed Giles that Cap was asleep in the hall just outside his room.

While Giles took the elevator up to the 10th floor, Detective Haartte spoke with Abby Falmacher.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

HAARTTE

I'm making the rounds of local businesses, asking if they need any suspicious activity investigated.

ABBY

(a bit curt)

No thank you, Detective Haartte. And, to be honest, none of the merchants in town want to work with you. Not after the way you treated Wilbert Dunn.

HAARTTE

From the Middling Fair Jewelry Store and Pot Luck Supper Betting Parlor? What's the big deal? He wanted me to solve some petty jewelry theft. That might have been okay back in the day, before I solved the

HAARTTE (cont'd)

Case of the Waffle Batter Sphere.

ABBY

Case of the Waffle Batter Sphere.

ABBY (cont'd)

So you keep saying.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

Their conversation was interrupted by Giles' several attempts to get Cap out of the returning elevator.

SCENE 12-2: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - MORNING

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, Giles is giving his retrieval task one more try.

SFX: BELL DINGS ONCE AND ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN.

GILES

Step out first, then second.

SFX: FIRM THUD OF SHOES ON MARBLE FLOOR.

SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS CROSS LOBBY TO THE FRONT DESK.

NARRATOR

Giles helps Cap over to the front desk. Exhausted from their adventure, the two employees lean against the counter.

Pause. All we hear is GILES and CAP continuing to breathe heavily.

ABBY

Well?

GILES

"Well" what? Oh! Yes. Cap! Tell Miss Falmacher what happened.

CAP

Okay. There was a ding. And then the elevator doors opened. And then you came in.

GILES

Not that! What you heard last night. What Mr. "Blaine Hendrix" said.

CAP

Got it. Hey, did you know he gave me a twenty bucks tip? I don't have to split it with you, do I? Because you didn't do bupkis. Anyway, I heard him talking on his phone. Remember when we had phones in the rooms? Five dollars for a local call, please.

GILES

Cap!!

ABBY

Cap!!

CAP

Oh. Yeah. He said that even if Danny's hiding, he's gonna find him and "take care of him." And if there are any witnesses, he'll take care of them, too. And then the carpet looked real soft and so I..thought I...would...

CAP begins to snore.

GILES

I think that's about it. I'll get Cap over to his comfy chair.

GILES grunts as he helps CAP cross to the chair.

ABBY

This is very concerning. I'm calling the police.

HAARTTE

And what are you gonna say? That Cap heard something? His picture is in the dictionary next to "Unreliable Witness." And "Unusual Ear Hair," but that's another story.

ABBY

Then what do you suggest?

HAARTTE

Maybe you could buy him a trimmer.

ABBY

I mean about Danny and this "stranger."

HAARTTE

Here's a suggestion. Why don't I shadow this guy and see what's up. My professional opinion is it's nothing, but it'll help me keep my sleuthing skills in peak condition and ready for a real case. The problem is, he has a head start. I have no idea where he's going.

GILES

Caprica Coffee.

HAARTTE

No thanks. Trying to cut down.

GILES

(aggitated)

He's going to Caprica Coffee to have breakfast!

HAARTTE

(unphased)

At last! My first clue. You've still got it, Haartte. No wonder you solved the case of the --

ABBY

Will you get going!?!

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 12-3: EXT. CAPRICA COFFEE - DAY

MUSIC: "HAARTTE'S THEME" PLAY UNDERNEATH.

SFX: MILD STREET TRAFFIC IS HEARD.

SFX: FOOTSTEP ON SIDEWALK.

HAARTTE

There it was. Caprica Coffee's Coffee Shop, Coffee Bar and CoffeeXPress.

NARRATOR

Hold on! Look. I'm okay with you all doing your own voice-overs during your flashbacks, but now you're crossing the line.

HAARTTE

What the hell are you talking about? This is my whole deal.

NARRATOR

Oh, really? Have you listened to the credits?

CLINTON

"And as the Narrator, Gary J. Chambers."

HAARTTE

Fine. But you can't use my music.

MUSIC: "HAARTTEESTOPPERS THEME" ENDS.

NARRATOR

That's okay. I brought my own.

MUSIC: POP SONG STARTS.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

Oops!

MUSIC: POP SONG STOPS.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

Wrong track. I'm new to Spotify.

MUSIC: "NARRATOR NOIR" SONG IN AND UNDER.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

That's better.

NARRATOR begins speaking like a Sam Spade-like cadence.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

Detective Haartte hesitated, staring at the sign. "Caprica Coffee," he thought. "Why did it have to be Caprica Coffee?" The memories of a thousand sleepless nights rushed in like customers at a Black Friday sale. The caffeine highs. The Sweet'n Lows. So. Many. Donuts.

HAARTTE

Hey, buddy. None of that is true!

NARRATOR

Just getting my bearings. You can go in now.

SCENE 12-4: INT. CAPRICA COFFEE - DAY

SFX: BELL RINGS AS DOOR OPENS. THE STREET NOISE CAN BE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.

SFX: DOOR CLOSES

OWNER

Welcome to Caprica Coffee's Coffee Shop, Coffee --

NARRATOR

(interrupting, he continues film noir voice until noted)

The gaunt owner of the cafe looked up from his endless, thankless toils. Through sunken eyes he viewed the new customer as just one more hunk of flesh passing through his life. Part of the never-ending parade of lost souls. He grunted out a greeting.

OWNER

(confused, but undaunted in his enthusiasm)

I guess I start over? Welcome to Caprica Coffee's Coffee Shop, Coffee Bar and CoffeeXPress, where every cup of coffee is just two dollars. Small, medium, large, extra large! Even our Caprica Coffee Coffee Cauldron is just two dollars. Would you like to try our new Rusty Conquistador Cortado brew made with Robusta Beans and a hint of pomposity?

HAARTTE

No thanks. Just a small dark roast and a bagel.

OWNER

Toasted?

HAARTTE

Not at the moment.

NARRATOR

Haartte scanned the room, eyeing the seedy clientele a greasy-spoon joint like this attracts like flies swarm to hot, week-old tuna sandwiches. Hold the pickles. To his right he spotted a well-dressed administrative assistant, to his other right, a crossing guard, and, directly ahead, the worst of the bunch -- a hack writer working on his cheesy audio plays.

CLINTON

Hey!

NARRATOR

Finally, there, sitting at a dimly lit table by the Sun-filled window, sat the stranger. With his steaming cup of Joe in hand, Detective Haartte --

OWNER

But I haven't given him his coffee yet.

NARRATOR

(in excited, normal voice)

Well hurry up! I'm on a roll.

OWNER

Here you go.

HAARTTE

Thanks. Sorry about the narration. Occupational hazard.

NARRATOR

(back to film noir)

Haartte cautiously approached the stranger's table, wondering which alias he should pull out of his private dick's bag of tricks to win the stranger's confidence.

HAARTTE

(sort of placating the NARRATOR)

Right.

(to the STRANGER)

Excuse me. You didn't happen to see a woman wearing a white dress come in here, did you? She had an umbrella. Or, as I like to call it, a para-sail.

STRANGER

I think you mean "parasol."

HAARTTE

Do I? Mind if I sit here? The place is a little crowded.

STRANGER

Sure.

SFX: CHAIR SLIDES OUT AND IN.

STRANGER (cont'd)

Now let me ask you a question. Do you know Danny Hillcrest?

HAARTTE

Of course I do. Everyone in town knows Hillcrest.

STRANGER

But nobody seems to know where he is. Do you?

HAARTTE

Listen. I ask the questions around here.

STRANGER

Oh?

HAARTTE

The name's Haartte. Detective Haartte. Two A's. Two T's. Spell it right. Say it right.

STRANGER

(very surprised)

Detective?!

OUTRO 12-5: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

NARRATOR

(back to normal voice)

That didn't take long. Has Haartte lost his touch? Would I have used a different approach? Will I release my background music on Spotify? For answers, and possibly my pitch for a "Narrator, P.I." TV series, be sure to come back for Chapter 13: Trouble Finds Detective Haartte!

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

Like the show? Be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. It's easy. You'll find comedy4caast a lot of places, like Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Just remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4 -- and voice assistants hate that!

In this episode, as the stranger, Grant Johnson (voicegranted.com); as Abby Falmacher, Bonnie Kenderdine; and the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, (GaryJChambersVO.com).

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME UP AND PLAYS TO END.