comedy4cast #779

BIG SHOT

Chapter 11: Open And Shut Case

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER..................COMPUTER

CLINTON

CAP

GILES

DETECTIVE HAARTTE..........CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR......................GARY J. CHAMBERS

STRANGER......................GRANT JOHNSON

ABBY FALMACHER................BONNIE KENDERDINE

INTRO 11-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you.

Why not join Gary, Darren, Stan, and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, got to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 11: Open And Shut Case.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, the mysterious stranger who has come to Middling Fair, searching for Danny Hillcrest, was speaking on the phone in his hotel room. As fate would have it, Cap, the elderly bell captain at the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers, was standing just outside the room and overheard the conversation

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

STRANGER (O.S.)

Yeah. He's in hiding or something.

(laughs at something the caller has said, then checks himself)

Oh. You're serious. Don't worry. When I find him, I'll give it to him, all right.

(pause)

Witnesses? Sure. I'll take care of that, too. Just leave it to me.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

Cap realized that he needed to tell someone right away. There was just one problem.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: FLASHBACK AUDIO PROCESSING.

CAP

This carpet looks nice and soft. I think I'll just lie down for a minute. And...

CAP begins snoring.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

SCENE 11-2: INT. HOTEL HALLWAY - MORNING

CAP can be heard snoring in the background.

SFX: DOOR OPENS.

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, several hours have passed. Cap is still blissfully asleep as the Sun rises.

SFX: ROOSTER CROWS.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

The stranger opens his hotel room door.

STRANGER

Time for a quick breakfast then --

(spotting CAP asleep on the floor, fearing the worst)

Woah! Is he...

CAP snores loudly.

STRANGER (cont'd)

(realizing CAP is fine)

Asleep.

CAP

(Dreaming.)

Okay. Just one more blanket. Medium rare.

STRANGER

I guess he gets that 20 hours of shuteye anywhere he can.

NARRATOR

Stepping over the slumbering bell captain, the stranger makes his way to the elevator and down to the lobby of the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers.

SCENE 11-3: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - MORNING

SFX: BELL DINGS ONCE AS ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS CROSSING THE MARBLE FLOOR.

GILES

Good morning, "Mr. Blaine Hendrix."

STRANGER

Your restaurant's still closed?

GILES

Yes. Danny made quite a mess in there yesterday.

STRANGER

Speaking of...

GILES

(anticipating the question)

No. Danny Hillcrest has yet to return to the hotel.

STRANGER

Figures. Okay. I'm going to walk around town some more. I have to find him.

GILES

If he does return while you're gone, is there any message you want me to pass along?

STRANGER

Yeah. Just tell him to stay right here. I have something very special for him.

GILES

"Something special." Got it.

STRANGER

Where can I get some breakfast?

GILES

Just down the street. Look for the sign for Caprica Coffee's Coffee Shop, Coffee Bar and CoffeeXPress. The cafe will be somewhere behind it.

STRANGER

Great.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS RECEDE AS THE STRANGER HEADS FOR THE EXIT.

NARRATOR

The stranger heads towards the revolving doors. I can't wait to see what happens.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

STRANGER

(yelling back to GILES)

Oh, by the way, your bell captain is asleep in the hallway outside my room. Thought you should know.

SFX: QUIETLY, BEHIND THE DIALOGUE, THE SOUND OF THE TRAFFIC OUTSIDE THE HOTEL RISES FOR A MOMENT, THEN FALLS BACK.

GILES

Again? That makes the fifth time this week.

HAARTTE

At least he's cutting down.

NARRATOR

(startled)

Detective Haartte? Where did you come from?

HAARTTE

I was standing right here. Don't blame me when you do a poor job of describing the scene.

NARRATOR

But the stranger?! I missed him leaving? Can we rewind?

HAARTTE

What are you blathering about?

NARRATOR

You just wouldn't understand.

SFX: INTERCOM BUZZES.

ABBY (OVER INTERCOM)

Yes?

GILES

Miss Falmacher, can I ask you to come out and watch the desk for a few minutes? I have to go up to 10 to take care of something,

ABBY (OVER INTERCOM)

Cap fell asleep again, didn't he?

GILES

(Sigh.) Yes.

HAARTTE

And I want to speak to you, too, Falmacher.

ABBY (OVER INTERCOM)

(Not thrilled that HAARTTE is there.)

I'll be right out.

SFX: INTERCOM CLICKS OFF.

HAARTTE

By the way, Giles, what's the deal with that stranger?

GILES

He an odd one. He goes by an alias: "Blaine Hendrix."

HAARTTE

Really? Why not something fun, like Emie Permyekov or Ramis Ponomarenko, International Financier?

GILES

I know. Right?

SFX: FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.

ABBY

You're all set, Giles.

GILES

Thank you, Miss Falmacher.

HAARTTE

(addressing ABBY)

Ah! Just the person I wanted to see. I'm making the rounds of local businesses, asking if they need any suspicious activity investigated.

SFX: IN THE BACKGROUND, BELL DINGS ONCE AND DOOR SLIDES OPEN AND CLOSED.

ABBY

(a bit curt)

No thank you, Detective Haartte. And, to be honest, none of the merchants in town want to work with you. Not after the way you treated Wilbert Dunn.

HAARTTE

From the Middling Fair Jewelry Store and Pot Luck Supper Betting Parlor? What's the big deal? He wanted me to solve some petty jewelry theft. That might have been okay back in the day, before I solved the

HAARTTE (cont'd)

case of the Waffle Batter Sphere.

ABBY

case of the Waffle Batter Sphere.

ABBY (cont'd)

So you keep saying. But I'm not even sure --

SFX: BELL DINGS ONCE AND THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS.

GILES

(excited, out of breath)

Miss Falmacher! Cap has something to tell you! Cap! Tell her what you told me!

CAP snoring in distance.

GILES (cont'd)

Oh. He fell asleep in the elevator.

SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE.

GILES (cont'd)

It's gone up again. Hang on.

NARRATOR

Frantically, Giles presses the elevator button.

HAARTTE

I was going to leave, but this could be pretty entertaining.

SFX: BELL DINGS ONCE AND ELEVATOR DOORS SLIDE OPEN.

NARRATOR

The elevator returns and Giles steps inside.

GILES

Cap. Wake up. You need to --

SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE.

GILES (cont'd)

(As the doors are closing on him.)

No no no!

HAARTTE

Five bucks says they don't get out the next time, either.

SFX: BELL DINGS ONCE AND THE ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS.

NARRATOR

Giles has Cap back on his feet.

GILES

(yelling over to ABBY)

It's all right. I have him up, Miss Falmacher.

CAP

Up? Sure thing.

SFX: ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE.

GILES

(as doors are closing)

No, Cap don't touch...

HAARTTE

What do you say, Falmacher? Double or nothing they do it again.

OUTRO 11-4: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF 2023 P.A.D. SONG IN AND UNDER.

NARRATOR

Will Giles and Cap ever escape the elevator? Will Cap remember what he heard last night? And when did Haartte become such an asshole? [NOTE: the word will be bleeped out] For P.G.-rated answers, be sure to come back for Chapter 12: A Cup Full Of Danger!

CLINTON

Like the show? To help support it, for as little as a dollar a month. go to Patreon.com slash comedy4cast -- all one word, with the number 4. As a way of saying thanks, you'll get episode before anyone else, plus behinds the scenes notes and exclusive content. Thank you!

In this episode, as the Stranger, Grant Johnson (voicegranted.com); as Abby Falmacher, Bonnie Kenderdine; and the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, (garyjchambersvo.com).

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.