comedy4cast #777

BIG SHOT

Chapter 9: Playing The Game

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER..................COMPUTER

CLINTON

CAP

GILES

DANNY HILLCREST............CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR......................GARY J. CHAMBERS

STRANGER......................GRANT JOHNSON

DELIVERY PERSON 1.............STEVE NG

DELIVERY PERSON 2.............KREG STEPPE

ABBY..........................BONNIE KENDERDINE

BEDPAN BOB....................GRANT BACIOCCO

HOTEL PATRON 1................K.H. BROWER

HOTEL PATRON 2................CAMERON McGRATH

INTRO 9-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you.

Why not join Bryn, Chuck, from the Technorama podcast, Paul, and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, got to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 9: Playing The Game.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, a mysterious stranger arrived in Middling Fair, looking for Danny Hillcrest.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

CAP

Find Danny? Why the heck would you want to do a thing like that?

STRANGER

Look, I need to see Hillcrest. Can you just call his room?

GILES

I can. But it won't help. He departed the hotel a few hours ago.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

Danny hadn't just left the hotel, he had fled in a panic, just after mentioning to Abby Falmacher and Giles that he owes people for all the scripts he has been mailing out to Hollywood.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: FLASHBACK AUDIO PROCESSING.

DANNY

(slightly panicked)

I had to borrow an awful lot to send out all these scripts. I'm not sure certain people will be happy if things don't work out and I can't repay them.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

The stranger has spoken with the hotel restaurant's maître d' and Cindy, each of whom told of a recent incident involving Danny. But neither of them knew his current location. They also didn't know the meaning of the phrase he had scribbled on one of the place mats: A RAM SANG.

SCENE 9-2: INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, the stranger is in his hotel room at the Venus Arms, speaking with Cap, the hotel's older-than-dirt bell captain. Cap mentioned that he, too, has a story that involves Danny. Desperate to find Hillcrest, the stranger agrees to hear Cap out.

CAP

It all started last week.

MUSIC: DOWNWARD HARP GLISSANDO BEGINS.

CAP (cont'd)

No wait.

SFX: RECORD SCRATCH BRINGS THE MUSIC TO AN ABRUPT STOP.

CAP (cont'd)

It was 5 years ago. I think. Which year had a "two" in it?

STRANGER

Maybe this was a bad idea.

MUSIC: DOWNWARD HARP GLISSANDO.

SCENE 9-3: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY (FLASHBACK)

IN-STORY FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: IN-STORY FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED AS NORMAL AUDIO, WHILE CHARACTER NAMES WITH A "(VO)" EXTENSION SHOULD HAVE THEIR DIALOGUE PROCESSED TO INDICATE THEY ARE OUTSIDE OF THE ACTION TAKING PLACE.

SFX: INDISTINCT CHATTER FROM THE GUESTS IN THE LOBBY.

CAP (VO)

Oh, when isn't important. What matters is that one morning Danny came down to the lobby and came over to the front desk to talk to Giles.

GILES (VO)

More like "pester."

CAP (VO)

Quiet. This is my flashback. Now, where was I?

DANNY

Hi, Danny Hillcrest here!

GILES

(Sigh.) Yes, Danny. I know. What can I do for you?

DANNY

I need to post-credit mail this script draft to Paramount+ and or minus. It's the latest revise of my romantic comedy rom com movie script. This version's about a Spring romance where a house painter falls for a hairdresser. It's called "Brushes with Love."

GILES

Shouldn't you try writing about things you actually know something about? Besides, this concerns me how?

DANNY

I was hoping you could loan me some stamps. I'm a little low on cash.

STRANGER (VO)

Well, that checks out.

GILES

How tragic. Perhaps Cap can help you. Cap! Wake up!

CAP

(awakening with a start)

Noble gases!

(Groans in pain.)

Oh. It's you, Giles. This old bench makes a terrible bed.

GILES

That is but one of the many reasons why you shouldn't be sleeping in the lobby. Danny wants to ask you a question.

CAP (VO)

But, before he could try to hit me up for a shave and a haircut two bits, a couple of delivery people wheeled in a big metal box.

SFX: DOLLY BEING WHEELED ACROSS LOBBY.

DELIVERY PERSON 1 and DELIVERY PERSON 2 are average working stiffs. 7am to 3pm are hours punched on the clock. They go where the work takes them and not much phases them.

DELIVERY PERSON 1

We have a delivery for a...

SFX: FLIPS PAGES ON HIS CLIPBOARD.

DELIVERY PERSON 1 (cont'd)

Miss Abby Falmacher.

CAP

Isn't she a bit old to be having a kid?

GILES

Cap! I'll ring her in the office. It will only take a --

DELIVERY PERSON 1

(interrupting)

Yeah. Yeah. I just need someone to sign for this so we can set it up.

GILES

Oh. I can do that.

SFX: PEN SCRIBBLING ON PAPER.

DELIVERY PERSON 1

Okay. Where's the nearest outlet?

DELIVERY PERSON 2

I found it. Right here by this bench. Excuse me, Pops.

CAP

What the...?

SFX: LARGE THUD AS MACHINE IS SLID OFF DOLLY ONTO FLOOR.

DELIVERY PERSON 1

Okay. It's plugged in. Anything?

SFX: COMPUTER BOOTUP SOUNDS.

DELIVERY PERSON 2

Yup. All set.

GILES

Excuse me! What is "that"?

DELIVERY PERSON 1

(heavy on the sarcasm)

It's called a video game.

GILES

But why is it here? You must have the wrong address.

ABBY

No, he doesn't.

GILES

But, Miss Falmacher! Why do you want a video game here in the lobby of the hotel?

CAP

And why's this file cabinet with a TV screen right next to me?

ABBY

It's about time the Venus Arms got with the times. These arcade game machines are all the rage.

DANNY

They sure are! Thirty years ago!

ABBY

Oh. Well, nevertheless, we need to attract more business to the hotel. I think this sort of thing can help. Either that or I can rollback employee salaries a decade or two.

Momentary pause while GILES thinks.

GILES

As I said, I'm all in favor of this new plan.

DANNY

I love it! It's called "Clinical Commotion".

DELIVERY PERSON 1

(suddenly perks up, because he loves these games, much more animated)

Wanna see how it works?

DANNY

(very enthusiastic - but asked as a question)

Do I?!

DELIVERY PERSON 1

Here. This one's on me.

SFX: COIN DROPPED IN SLOT.

SFX: VIDEO GAME SOUNDS PLAY THROUGHOUT THIS SEGMENT, INCLUDING MUSIC, "ACTIONS" AND SHORT BURSTS OF LOW-BIT RATE DIALOGUE.

DELIVERY PERSON 1 (cont'd)

You play "Bedpan Bob." This guy here, the one on the gurney.

BEDPAN BOB

Where's my bedpan?

DANNY

Hey! It's like a bed made out of roller skates!

DELIVERY PERSON 1

You have to maneuver Bob around obstacles and get him to his next surgery. Use this joystick to go forward, backwards and side to side.

DELIVERY PERSON 2

And press the buttons to make him do things like sign medical wavers, show his insurance card and repeat his medical history.

BEDPAN BOB

Look out!

DELIVERY PERSON 1

And if you hit the nurses with your gurney, you lose points. But these people here, you can run into them.

SFX: GAME SOUND OF A BUMP, FOLLOWED BY A PAINFUL GROAN.

DANNY

Who are they?

DELIVERY PERSON 1

Relatives bringing you flowers so they can get into your will.

BEDPAN BOB

Coming through!

SFX: GAME SOUND OF A BUMP, FOLLOWED BY A PAINFUL GROAN.

DELIVERY PERSON 1

Now, you give it a try.

BEDPAN BOB

Goodbye, nurse!

DANNY plays the game non-stop until indicated.

DANNY

I love it. This game is closely almost as exciting as watching my favorite TV show about Gray's anatomy. I just can't recall the name.

DELIVERY PERSON 1 and DELIVERY PERSON 2 chuckle.

GILES

(to himself)

Oh, please. Don't encourage him.

CAP (VO)

But it was too late. People sitting in the lobby started chiming in.

HOTEL PATRON 1

(being helpful)

It's called "Gray's Anatomy."

DANNY

That reminds me of my favorite medical movie about a character who can talk to animals -- "The Muppet Movie!"

DELIVERY PERSON 1, DELIVERY PERSON 2 and HOTEL PATRON 1 all laugh.

CAP (VO)

And they kept asking that Danny kid questions about movies and TV shows and whatnot!

HOTEL PATRON 2

Hey. What do you think of that new Marvel movie?

CAP (VO)

And Danny kept answering - and playing!

BEDPAN BOB

Bill my insurance!

DANNY

I'm not quite catchingly caught up on the M & M-C-U. But it sounds like the movies are getting longer and longer. "Infinity War"? "Wakanda Forever"? I don't have that much time to watch a movie!

SFX: LARGER GROUP OF PEOPLE IN THE LOBBY LAUGH.

CAP

All on the same quarter. It would have made Jack Benny proud. But I ain't Jack Benny -- as far as I know.

BEDPAN BOB

Time for meds.

DELIVERY PERSON 1

You sound like you're more of a DC guy.

DANNY

To be honestly frank, I don't really spend a lot of time at the movie cinema theater. Except at the concession snack stand. I mostly watch the trailers on YouTube. They tell me the whole movie!

SFX: CROWD LAUGHS.

SFX: VIDEO GAME SOUNDS CONTINUE.

CAP (VO)

Later that night everyone left the lobby. Except for Danny, who kept playing that f[BEEP]ing game! Right next to the bench where I was trying to sleep!

BEDPAN BOB

Quiet! This is a hospital!

SFX: VIDEO GAME SOUNDS FADE OUT AS...

MUSIC: SHORT TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 9-4: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - NEXT DAY (FLASHBACK)

SFX: REVOLVING DOOR SPINS.

CAP (VO)

The next morning, Miss Falmacher was back.

ABBY

(In a chipper mood.)

Good morning, all!

SFX: VIDEO GAMES SOUNDS RETURN.

BEDPAN BOB

You took my spleen!

ABBY

(Her mood changes as she spots DANNY.)

Oh. Hillcrest. You're still here?

BEDPAN BOB

Bill my insurance!

ABB

Are you about done playing that machine!

DANNY

I will be, as soon as I need to put in a quarter.

ABBY

You mean you've been playing that same free game since yesterday?

SFX: SOFTLY, IN BACKROUND, BEHIND DIALOGUE, ELEVATOR BELL DINGS TWICE AS DOORS SLIDE OPEN.

CAP

Yes. He has!

GILES

Yes. He has!

HOTEL PATRON 2

Oh, look! He's still playing!

HOTEL PATRON 1

Good morning, Danny! What's your score now?

DANNY

Fourteen million points and Bedpan Bob has had his appendix removed, his knee replaced and he got a free plastic surgery nose job!

HOTEL PATRON 1

(very encouraging tone)

Keep going! I texted all my friends telling them that if they stop in Middling Fair, they should come and see you!

HOTEL PATRON 2

(also upbeat)

Me, too! It was so much fun watching you play.

DANNY

I love it!

ABBY

(to herself)

Hmmm. Maybe I love it, too.

OUTRO 9-5: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

NARRATOR

Will Abby let Danny play that game forever? Will Cap and Giles continue to put up with all the noise? And what about Bedpan Bob?

BEDPAN BOB

My hospital gown is open!

NARRATOR

To hear what happens next, be sure to come back for Chapter 10: Cap Checks Out.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

If you like the show, please help spread the word by sharing a link on social media. You are this show's greatest media influencer.

In this episode, as the Stranger, Grant Johnson (voicegranted.com); as Delivery Person 1, Steve Ng, steveng5.com, that's steve-n-g-and the number 5, .com; as Delivery Person 2, Kreg Steppe, from the Technorama Podcast (chuckchat.com/technorama) and The Topic is Trek podcast, (thetopicistrek.com); as Abby Falmacher, Bonnie Kenderdine; as Bedpan Bob, Grant Baciocco from the Saturday Morning Media family of podcasts (saturdaymorningmedia.com); as Hotel Patron 1, K. H. Brower, author of the solarpunk series "The Bosque Family Adventures" (KHBrower.com:; as Hotel Patron 2, Cameron McGrath. And the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, (garyjchambersvo.com).

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME UP AND PLAYS TO END.