comedy4cast #773

BIG SHOT

Chapter 5: Where Darkness Lives

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER....................COMPUTER

CLINTON

GILES........................CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR

PRE-RECORDED TOUR GUIDE......GARY J. CHAMBERS

STRANGER........................GRANT JOHNSON

CELL PHONE CALLER

CINDY........................BONNIE KENDERDINE

INTRO 5-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you.

Why not join Paul, Kyle, Kalynn, and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, got to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 5: Where Darkness Lives.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, Danny Hillcrest ran out of the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers. He had confided to Giles and Miss Falmacher that he owed certain people for all the scripts he had been mailing to Hollywood studios and was afraid he might not be able to pay them back. Soon afterwards a mysterious stranger arrived in Middling Fair, intent on finding Danny Hillcrest.

Mere coincidence? Sure. Let's go with that.

After finding out Danny was gone, destination unknown, the stranger spoke with the hotel restaurant's Maitre d'. Danny had been in the eatery earlier in the day and caused a scene. He left behind a place mat, on which was scribbled the phrase "A RAM SANG." Giles had no idea what that meant, but he did remember something of possible import.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

GILES

Oh. I believe he is employed in The Tunnels.

STRANGER

What's that? A nightclub?

GILES

No. The Tunnels are, well, a bunch of tunnels under Chasm Valley. Badger people made them. Look, it's complicated, all right?

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

Complicated or not, the stranger made his way to One Pasta Place and began walking through the access corridor to The Tunnels. While en route, he had an ominous phone conversation.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: FFLASHBACK AUDIO PROCESSING.

CELL PHONE CALLER

[Poppin use of slang!]

STRANGER

I know the boss needs this taken care of "yesterday." I'm working on it.

CELL PHONE CALLER

[How now, pop star?]

STRANGER

I'm checking out every place he's been. Tell Rawlston I'll call back when I've... executed.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

SCENE 5-2: INT. ACCESS CORRIDOR - UNDERGROUND/DAY

SFX: OCCASIONALLY CARS PASS BY AT A SLOW SPEED.

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, the strangers reaches the entrance to The Tunnels. He spots a sign that reads "Tunnel Transportation Conveyance. Express Bus to Library." There, idling quietly, is a converted 1976 Tiara Megacoach tandem-axle school bus, painted in military green, with the word "Princess" spray painted across the rear exit doors.

STRANGER

Is anything in this town normal?

SCENE 5-3: INT. BUS AT ENTRANCE STOP - UNDERGROUND/DAY

NARRATOR

Before anyone can answer that question, the stranger boards the bus. He is the only passenger.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS CLIMBING STEPS INTO BUS.

SFX: BUS DOORS CLOSE.

STRANGER

I might as well take a window seat.

NARRATOR

The bus begins to roll along through the dark, silent tunnels.

SFX: PRE-RECORDED TOUR GUIDE AUDIO IS PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS COMING FROM LOW-QUALITY SPEAKERS ON THE BUS.

MUSIC: CHEESY, UPBEAT TRAINING VIDEO-TYPE BACKGROUND TUNE.

PRE-RECORDED TOUR GUIDE

(In full tram tour/Jungle Cruise mode.)

Please keep your hands, arms, feet and legs inside the bus at all times. If an item should happen to fall from the bus, that means you haven't followed the above rules. Shame on you.

We are now traveling through an elaborate system of underground passageways and rooms, collectively called The Tunnels. Because calling them a skyway would be ridiculous. This marvel of engineering was constructed by a race of so-called Badger People. But these creatures, led by an inscrutable human named Romeo Sykes, left Chasm Valley in 2020. They deeded the tunnels to the current owner, Cindy Duskdaisy.

Are you taking notes? There'll be a quiz.

The library, at the far end of this main tunnel also serves as Cindy's office. To make this environment livable, the Badger People developed a series of spheres that provided water, power and illumination. However, all of the spheres disappeared into the sky almost a year ago, plunging the tunnels into silent darkness. It was just like being in Des Moines on a Saturday night. But now, the massive mile-wide rotunda at the center of the tunnel system, once known as "Underdome," is powered by a lot of hot air! That turns underground wind turbines. In fact, we are passing through that space right now. This is now where the 6-screen art house drive in, Cine-Round-a-Dome, is located. The projection systems and FM audio transmitters were donated by an unnamed benefactor. At least that's what I call them. Also, note the unique look of the central projection booth and the various snack bars. These were hastily constructed from the abandoned renaissance fair merchant booths that previously occupied this space. Cindy is all about recycling. Currently the drive-ins are showing "Nosferatu," "Salammbô," "The Tree of Life," "El Rancho," "Mulholland Drive" and "Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania" Apparently we are required by law to show at least one superhero movie at all times.

MUSIC: FADES OUT.

SCENE 5-4: INT. BUS AT LIBRARY STOP - UNDERGROUND/DAY

SFX: CRUSH OF GRAVEL BENEATH TIRES SLOWS TO A STOP.

NARRATOR

Eventually, Princess reaches the far end of The Tunnels and rolls to a stop.

SFX: BUS DOORS OPEN.

PRE-RECORDED TOUR GUIDE

Remember to check for your belongings and watch your head as you exit the bus. I have no idea how that is even possible, so good luck!

SFX: FOOTSTEPS DESCENDING METAL STEPS.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.

NARRATOR

The stranger steps off the bus and walks toward the open doorway to the library.

SCENE 5-5: INT. LIBRARY - UNDERGROUND/DAY

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL CONTINUE.

SFX: AMBIENT SOUND MIX CHANGES TONE TO INDICATE TRANSITION TO NEW LOCATION.

MUSIC: A DRONING TUNE IS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.

NARRATOR

The room is lit by several candles and the occasional Lava Lamp. Cindy is seated at a desk at the center of the room. She is pouring over some of the recipe books the badger people left behind.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

CINDY

(to herself.)

Like, yogurt in taco soup? Whatever.

STRANGER

Excuse me.

CINDY

Like, hey.

SFX: ELECTRONIC CLICK AS MUSIC IS SILENCED.

CINDY (cont'd)

If you're looking for the restrooms, they're, like, way back at the Cine-Round-a-Dome snack bars. But I should warn you, they're, like, kinda retro renfest, so...

STRANGER

Are you Cindy?

CINDY

Like, yeah. What's up?

STRANGER

I'm looking for Danny Hillcrest.

CINDY

(shutting him down)

Like, good luck with that.

SFX: ELECTRONIC CLICK AS MUSIC IS REACTIVATED.

MUSIC: DRONING TUNE RETURNS.

STRANGER

I take it he's not here.

CINDY

(Still a tiny bit upset)

Like, no. Not since I, like, fired him.

STRANGER

(another dead end)

Oh, great.

(to Cindy)

Can you tell me what happened? I have to find him. It's about a "life-altering change."

(too much)

Uh -- Of course, that's just a metaphor. Yeah. A metaphor.

OUTRO 5-6: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: SHORT STING.

NARRATOR

Is it "just a metaphor?" Can an analogy be far behind? What about grandiloquence? Oh, and why the heck did Cindy fire Danny? For answers to some of these questions, be sure to come back for Chapter 6: Communications Breakdown.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME IN AND UNDER.

(cont'd)

CLINTON

Are you liking the show? Well, please, help spread the word by sharing it on social media. Maybe even right now. You are this show's greatest media influencer.

In this episode, as the stranger. Grant Johnson, VoiceGranted.com; as Cindy and the cell phone caller, Bonnie Kenderdine; and the Narrator and tour guide, were played by Gary J. Chambers, GaryJChambersVO.com.

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" UP AND ENDS.