comedy4cast #772

BIG SHOT

Chapter 4: Further On Down The Road

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER...............COMPUTER

CLINTON

DANNY HILLCREST

GILES

CAP

UKE MAN.................CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR...................GARY J. CHAMBERS

MAÎTRE D'..................NATHAN ALVORD

STRANGER...................GRANT JOHNSON

CELL PHONE CALLER..........BONNIE KENDERDINE

INTRO 4-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you.

Why not join Steve, Bryn, Chuck, from the Technorama podcast, and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, got to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 4: Further On Down The Road.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, a mysterious stranger arrive at the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers, not that long after Danny Hillcrest had rushed out of the hotel. Danny had seemed quite nervous when speaking with Giles and Miss Falmacher.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: ECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

DANNY

(slightly panicked)

I had to borrow an awful lot to send out all these scripts. I'm not sure certain people will be happy if things don't work out and I can't repay them.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

At Giles suggestion, the stranger spoke with the maitre d' of the hotel's restaurant. It seems the hotel had had an "incident" with Danny earlier in the day inside the eatery.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: FLASHBACK AUDIO PROCESSING.

SFX: CRASHING OF PLATES, BANGING OF POTS.

SFX: TWO SETS OF FEET RUNNING ABOUT THE RESTAURANT.

DANNY

Aaaaaaaaah!

MAÎTRE D'

Out! Out! Aller! Vite!

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

The maitre d' also showed the stranger the place mat Danny had been scribbling on prior to the altercation. On it was the phrase "A RAM SANG." Frustrated that he could not find Danny, or make sense of the phrase, the stranger resigned himself to the fact that he would need to check into the hotel for the night.

SCENE 4-2: INTY. VENUS ARMS HOTEL - DAY

CAP is snoring.

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, Giles is having a hard time comprehending the stranger's request.

GILES

You mean you want to stay here? Now? During April?

STRANGER

Is that a problem? Is the hotel full.

GILES begins laughing hysterically.

CAP

(awakening with a start)

Haberdasher! Oh, it's you, Giles. Giles! Get ahold of yourself!

GILES finishes laughing. Composes himself.

GILES

I'm...I'm sorry, sir. I...I will need a major credit card for the room.

STRANGER

(very reluctant)

We don't need to do that, do we?

GILES

Yes, we do.

STRANGER

What if I give you this gift card from Target instead?

SFX: PLASTIC CARD TOSSED ONTO COUNTER.

GILES

(really?)

Sir.

STRANGER

Hmmm. Macy's?

SFX: PLASTIC CARD TOSSED ONTO COUNTER.

GILES

(Sigh.) No.

STRANGER

Neiman Marcus?

SFX: PLASTIC CARD TOSSED ONTO COUNTER.

Pause.

SFX: PLASTIC CARD BEING SWIPED OFF TABLE.

GILES

(finally, but discreetly)

Sign here.

SFX: HOTEL REGISTER TURNED TO FACE GUEST.

SFX: PEN WRITING ON PAD.

GILES (cont'd)

Very good, Mr...

SFX: HOTEL REGISTERED TURNED BACK TO FACE GILES.

Sam Jones? Oh, come now. That's the best you've got? Can't you be a bit more creative than that? What about Coakley Ulrik? Or Demarcus Lyons?

CAP

Or Tack Cromwell, King of Eclairs!

GILES

Why not swing for the fences, "Mr. Sam Jones," with Godfrey Keetes Barkridge the third.

STRANGER

(wanting to end this)

Fine.

SFX: HOTEL REGISTER TURNED TO FACE GUEST.

SFX: PEN WRITING ON PAD.

SFX: HOTEL REGISTER TURNED BACK TO FACE GILES.

GILES

"Blaine Hendrix"? Well I suppose. But, Tyree Schaefer would have been much better. It will take a while to prepare your room. Most of the staff take the month of April off, so Cap will need to make up your room.

CAP

No problem. I'll have it made up in no time. I just need a huge tube of foundation and a bucket of eyeliner.

STRANGER

In the meantime, I need more ammunition. Can you think of any place else Hillcrest has been lately? The sooner I find him, the better.

GILES

Hmm, let me think, Mr...

SFX: RUSTLE OF REGISTER PAGE.

GILES (cont'd)

(still not thrilled with the name)

"Blaine Hendrix." Oh! I believe he's employed in The Tunnels.

STRANGER

What's that? A nightclub?

CAP

I hope they're still doing the Lindy Hop.

GILES

(ignoring CAP)

The Tunnels are, well, a bunch of tunnels under Chasm Valley. Badger people made them. Look, it's complicated, all right?

STRANGER

(only half believing GILES)

And Hillcrest works there? What does he do? Sing "Heigh ho, heigh ho"?

GILES

Fine. Don't believe me.

STRANGER

All right. All right. How do I get to these tunnels?

GILES

It's not that far from here. You just need to go down the street a few blocks to the cite of the old Nuclear Pasta Plant and...

(realizing he's sounding crazy again)

Just head that way.

STRANGER

Okay.

NARRATOR

The stranger heads toward the revolving doors.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON MARBLE FLOOR.

STRANGER

Just be sure my room is ready when I come back.

NARRATOR

Now we'll see if he gets stuck like --

MUSIC: SHORT TRANSITION STING.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

No no no! Not now!

SCENE 4-3: EXT. ENTRANCE TO CORRIDOR TO TUNNELS - DAY

SFX: A MIXTURE OF CITY LIFE AND COUNTRY SOUNDS

NARRATOR

Whose bright idea was it to put a transition there? Oh, never mind. Let's dog ear that for now.

In the background, we hear UKE MAN, just as we did in the 2021 story, only now he is advertising his VCR repair business, the same way he once announced he had free ukuleles. This is for area atmosphere only.

UKE MAN

VCR repairs while you wait. All makes!

NARRATOR

The stranger is standing inside the rubble that once was the foundation of One Pasta Place, a towering apartment building. Before that, as Giles mentioned, it's where the town's Nuclear Pasta Plant stood. In front of him is a simple gravel roadway. It stops at the entrance to the corridor that leads to "The Tunnels." But things have changed since you and I last visited here. There is now a large, neon-illuminated sign that points to the entrance. The sign reads "Cine-Round-a-Dome Drive-In. Open 24 Hours." The occasional car is seen entering the wide access corridor. Fortunately, the stranger spots a dedicated pedestrian lane.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON RUBBLE.

SFX: TRANSITIONS TO ECHOED FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE.

SCENE 4-4: INT. ACCESS CORRIDOR - UNDERGROUND/DAY

SFX: ECHOED FOOTSTEPS ON CONCRETE CONTINUE.

SFX: OCCASIONALLY CARS PASS BY AT A SLOW SPEED.

NARRATOR

As the stranger walks along the path, he sees other markings on the pavement. The pedestrian lane is adjacent to a dedicated stroller lane. Which is next to a dedicated dog-walking lane. Which is next to a dedicated skateboarding lane, next to a hoverboard lane, jogging lane, moped lane, and penny lane.

SFX: CELL PHONE RINGTONE, WHICH MIMICKS THE ONE HEARD IN THE SONG "PENNY LANE" BY THE BEATLES, BEGINS TO CHIME. IT IS CUT OFF BEFORE THE ENTIRE BELL SEQUENCE FINISHES.

TRANGER

Hello?

CELL PHONE CALLER's dialogue below is just a series of random words and phrases. The audio will be processed to be mostly unintelligible but this is an added measure of protection to ensure the listener cannot ascertain what is being said.

CELL PHONE CALLER

[It's Drainpipe. I got the menu list.]

STRANGER

You got my text, right? Hillcrest wasn't at the hotel. They said he went out and don't know where he went or when he'll be back.

CELL PHONE CALLER

[You know that olives make bad cars, right?]

STRANGER

Yeah. Sounds sus to me, too.

CELL PHONE CALLER

[Poppin' use of slang!]

STRANGER

I know the boss needs this taken care of "yesterday." I'm working on it.

CELL PHONE CALLER

[How now, pop star?]

STRANGER

I'm checking out every place he's been. Tell Rawlston I'll call back when I've... executed.

OUTRO 4-5: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

NARRATOR

Executed? It sounds like this stranger means business. Will he find Danny? What will happen when he does? And will the stranger realize that the pedestrian lane is also marked as a "No Cell Phones" quiet zone?

SFX: WOMAN MAKING SHOOSHING SOUND.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

For more rule violations, be sure to come back for Chapter 5: Where Darkness Lives.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

Are you liking the show. Then be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. It's easy. comedy4cast is listed lots of great sites, including Spotify, Stitcher and TuneIn.

In this episode, as the maître d', Nathan Alvord; as the stranger, Grant Johnson, VoiceGranted.com; as the cell phone caller, Bonnie Kenderdine; and the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, GaryJChambersVO.com.

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" UP AND ENDS.