comedy4cast episode #771

BIG SHOT

Chapter 3: Puzzles Galore

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER..................COMPUTER

CLINTON

GILES

DANNY HILLCREST............CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR......................GARY J. CHAMBERS

GG RESIDENT...................JOHN BELL

MAÎTRE D'.....................NATHAN ALVORD

STRANGER......................GRANT JOHNSON

INTRO 3-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you!

Why not join Charlotte, Amy, Howard and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, got to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 3: Puzzles Galore.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: "BIG SHOT" MAIN THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, a mysterious stranger arrived in Chasm Valley by train. And then quickly made his way to the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

GG RESIDENT

It's easy. You just take that funicular over there up to the top of the hill. Then walk up the stairs to the Middling Fair monorail. Take that downtown. Then get on the Middling Fair trolley and hop off when you get to the Venus Arms.

STRANGER

Can you repeat all that?

GG RESIDENT

Not even if I wanted to. Good luck!

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

The stranger told Giles, the front desk clerk and assistant manager, that he wanted to speak to Danny Hillcrest. But Danny was not all there. Uh, I mean Danny was not there. And no one knew how to contact him.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO PROCESSING.

GILES

He left in a hurry after lunch in our restaurant. Perhaps the maître d' can help you.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

SCENE 3-2: INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT HOST STATION - DAY

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, the stranger has made his way over to the host station at the entrance to the restaurant. He is speaking with the maître d', who does not seem all that pleased to hear Danny's name.

MAÎTRE D'

(disgusted)

May I suggest you look in the nearest sewer, monsieur. That clumsy ox is no longer welcome here.

STRANGER

But he was here earlier, right? And he left in a hurry.

MAÎTRE D'

This is true.

STRANGER

Tell me what happened. Maybe something can help me find him.

MAÎTRE D'

(getting riled up again)

What happened? Danny Hillcrest happened! He came into the restaurant for lunch...

MUSIC: DESCENDING HARP GLISSANDO.

SCENE 3-3: INT. RESTAURANT - DAY (FLASHBACK)

IN-STORY FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: IN-STORY FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED AS NORMAL AUDIO, WHILE CHARACTER NAMES WITH A "(VO)" EXTENSION SHOULD HAVE THEIR DIALOGUE PROCESSED TO INDICATE THEY ARE OUTSIDE OF THE ACTION TAKING PLACE.

MUSIC: GENERIC TUNE PLAYED ON AN ACCORDION, IS HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND.

MAÎTRE D' (VO)

(appropriately disgusted)

Of course I had his customary box of crayons and paper place mat ready.

DANNY

I'm sure I can make my exit-y way out of the maze this time! Fifteenth time is the charm.

MAÎTRE D' (VO)

It was not. But on with my flashback. During April, when business is slow, we implement a reduced menu. Naturally this means smaller portions of our Confit de Canard. But I state the obvious. When I explained the situation to "Danny" he changed his order to...

DANNY

A vanilla shake and continentally french fries. And don't spare the toothpicks! I amour it!

MAÎTRE D' (VO)

This was the l'anche finale!

MAÎTRE D'

Get out! Aller! Vite! And never again darken the doors of this dimly lit restaurant. Go! And take your package with you!

SFX: PAPER ENVELOPE BEING SHOVED AT DANNY.

DANNY

(in a panic)

Ahhh!

SFX: CHAIR SLIDING AWAY FROM TABLE.

MAÎTRE D' (VO)

Perhaps my tone of voice was une erreur. Hillcrest panicked, running about the restaurant like un animal sauvage.

SFX: CRASHING PLATES.

SFX: BREAKING WOOD.

SFX: POTS AND PANS CRASHING TO THE FLOOR.

MAÎTRE D' (VO) (cont'd)

I took after him and finally chased him away.

DANNY

Aaaaaaaaah!!!!!

MAÎTRE D'

(a series of lines, each spoken loudly)

Out! Out!!!

DANNY

It's so dark in here!

You are ruining everything!

DANNY (cont'd)

I can't see where I'm going! Oops!

SFX: CRASHING OF PLATES INTENSIFIES, ELECTRIC SPARKS ARE HEARD, THE ACCORDION MUSIC SPEEDS UP AND STOPS.

SFX: CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE CORKS POP.

MAÎTRE D'

No! Le champagne!

DANNY

Where's the exit-y door? Aaaaaaah!

SFX: THE DESTRUCTION REACHES ITS CLIMAX, FOLLOWED BY THE SOUND OF A LONE STEEL PIPE CRASHING AGAINST THE FLOOR.

MUSIC: ASCENDING HARP GLISSANDO.

...IN-STORY FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

SCENE 3-4: INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT HOST STAND - DAY

MAÎTRE D'

The restaurant is now une catastrophe. It will be closed for weeks.

STRANGER

Interesting story. But it doesn't help me a bit.

MAÎTRE D'

Perhaps this will assist you.

SFX: CRINKLE OF PAPER.

STRANGER

What is it?

MAÎTRE D'

His paper place mat. He was scribbling something on it just before the incident.

STRANGER

What's this here? "A RAM SANG." A ram sang what?

MAÎTRE D'

Je ne sais pas. I do not know. And I do not care. Now, if you will excuse me, Monsieur, I am going to retreat into the dark and cry.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON MARBLE FLOOR.

NARRATOR

With determination, the stranger again crosses the hotel lobby, barely noticing the large Venus de Milo statue positioned near the elevators.

SCENE 3-5: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY

CAP is snoring.

STRANGER

Do you have any rams around here?

GILES

Sir, this is a hotel, not a zoo. On most days. There are no rams here.

STRANGER

Figures. Okay. It looks like I need a hotel room for the night while I search for Hillcrest.

GILES

You mean you want to stay here? Now? During April?

STRANGER

Is that a problem? Is the hotel full?

GILES laughs uncontrollably. It continues throughout the outro.

OUTRO 3-6: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

NARRATOR

Will Danny ever be allowed back in the restaurant? If he is, will he ever find his way out of the maze? What does "A RAM SANG" mean? And what does Giles find so funny about renting a room in the Venus Arms during April?

GILES begins another round of laughter.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

For answers that are no laughing matter, be sure to come back for Chapter 4: Further On Down The Road.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

Are you liking the show? To support it, for as little as a dollar a month, go to patreon.com/comedy4cast. Uh, all one word, with the number 4. As a way of saying "thank you" for becoming a patron, you'll get episodes before everyone else, plus behind-the-scenes notes and exclusive content.

In this episode, as the Grassssssside Greene resident, John Bell, from the "Bell's in the Batfry" podcast, TheBatfry.com; as the stranger, Grant Johnson, VoiceGranted.com; as the maître d' Nathan Alvord; and the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, GaryJChambersVO.com.

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you in the next one. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" UP AND ENDS.