comedy4cast episode #770

BIG SHOT

Chapter 2: High 10AM

Written by

Clinton Alvord

CAST

(in order of appearance, where possible, otherwise by actor)

ID ANNOUNCER....................COMPUTER

CLINTON

DANNY HILLCREST

GILES

CAP..........................CLINTON ALVORD

NARRATOR........................GARY J. CHAMBERS

GRASSSSSSSIDE GREENE RESIDENT...JOHN BELL

STRANGER........................GRANT JOHNSON

MAÎTRE D'.......................NATHAN ALVORD

INTRO 2-1: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

MUSIC: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" INSTRUMENTAL IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

This is the 2023 comedy4cast Podcast Spectacular, brought to you by the fantastic Patreon patrons. Thank you! Why not join Darren, Stan, Zack and and the other amazing individuals who support the show for as little as a dollar a month.

This year's original 20-chapter story is called "Big Shot". To hear it from the beginning, go to comedy4cast.com/2023. And remember, comedy4cast is all one word, with the number 4. Now, here's Chapter 2: High 10AM.

MUSIC: "SHELTER FROM THE STORM" UP AND PLAYS TO END.

MUSIC: 2023 PODCAST-A-DAY THEME (SHORT VERSION) IN AND PLAYS TO END.

NARRATOR

Previously in our story, we learned that the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers' main revolving door is in need of serious repairs! Oh, and Danny Hillcrest was chased out of the hotel's fancy restaurant. The wishful-thinking screenplay author seemed very nervous.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: RECAP FLASHBACK AUDIO SHOULD BE PROCESSED TO INDICATE IT IS NOT AN EVENT OCCURRING IN REAL TIME.

DANNY

(slightly panicked)

I had to borrow an awful lot to send out all these scripts. I'm not sure certain people will be happy if things don't work out and I can't repay them.

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

As he rushed out of the hotel, he accidentally left behind a package that contained some DVD's.

RECAP FLASHBACK BEGINS HERE...

SFX: FLASHBACK AUDIO PROCESSING.

GILES

A boxed set called the "On The Lamb" collection. There's "Some Like It Hot," "Sister Act," "My Blue Heaven" and "Snakes on a Plane".

...RECAP FLASHBACK ENDS HERE.

NARRATOR

Interesting, indeed.

SCENE 2-2: EXT. PLACEHOLDER TRAIN STATION - DAY

SFX: GENERAL BACKGROUND CHATTER AMONGST A SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE.

NARRATOR

As this chapter begins, we shift our attention from the Venus Arms Hotel and Towers -- and its clearly inadequate main doorway -- to another part of Chasm Valley. Namely, the valley's one and only train station. This quaint facility is located in a rift that runs between Middling Fair and its half-sister town, that hard-luck haven, Grassssssside Greene. We've arrived just in time, too. Because the daily train through Chasm Valley, headed towards Pleasant View, will be stopping here in just a second.

SFX: BIRDS CHIRPING. AN OCCASIONAL COUGH FROM THE PASSENGERS WAITING ON THE PLATFORM.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

Oh. That's right. This train never arrives on schedule. Well, except for that one time. Since we may be here for a while, why don't I tell you a bit about myself. After all, I'm more than just an omnipotent, third-person reliable narrator. For instance, I recently acquired a sizable number of antique, oversized cuff links to add to --

SFX: TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS, AS TRAIN APPROACHES THE STATION.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

(frustrated)

Dang it! Well, let's dog ear that terribly-interesting anecdote for now and get back to story.

SFX: TRAIN PULLS INTO THE STATION.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

As we learned in the last chapter, most of the residents of Middling Fair are out of town for the month of April. Yet, as the train pulls in, there are still some individuals standing on the platform. Who can they be?

G.G. RESIDENT

We're from Grassssssside Greene.

NARRATOR

Of course. The town that spells it's name with seven S's. The town that actually elected a dog as its mayor. Home of the world's longest-burning dumpster fire. "Continually smoldering since 1951."

G.G. RESIDENT

(they have had enough)

I think they get it!

SFX: STEAM RELEASED BY TRAIN.

SFX: WALKING DOWN METAL STAIRS.

SFX: WALKING ALONG WOODEN PLANKS.

NARRATOR

A lone figure emerges from the passenger car. Smoke obscures his form as he walks onto the platform. Hey. Wait. This isn't a steam train!

G.G. RESIDENT

That's just smoke from the dumpster fire.

There's an even, but sometimes decidedly abrupt nature to the STRANGER's tone of voice. He can certainly be civil, if not charming, but he uses words sparingly, often preferring to cut to the chase. Think Indiana Jones from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" or Moriarty in "Time After Time."

STRANGER

(coughs)

Unbelievable.

(noticing the waiting passengers)

Excuse me. You!

G.G. RESIDENT

Me?

STRANGER

Yeah. Is this Middling Fair?

G.G. RESIDENT

(indignant)

No. This is Grasssssside Greene.

STRANGER

Then how do I get to Middling Fair?

G.G. RESIDENT

It's easy. You just take that funicular over there up to the top of that hill.

STRANGER

(as if turning to go)

Got it.

G.G. RESIDENT

I'm not finished. When you get to the top, you need to walk up the stairs to the Middling Fair monorail. Take that downtown.

STRANGER

Okay. So then I'm at the Venus Arms Hotel?

G.G. RESIDENT

No. Then you get on the Middling Fair trolley and hop off that when you get to the Venus Arms.

STRANGER

Can you repeat all that?

G.G. RESIDENT

Not even if I wanted to. I gotta get on board. Good luck!

SFX: FOOSTEPS ON METAL STAIRS.

SFX: TRAIN BEGINS TO PULL OUT OF THE STATION.

G.G. RESIDENT (cont'd)

(yelling from the train)

By the way! Why the heck do you want to go to Middling Fair in April?

STRANGER

I need to find a guy named Danny Hillcrest. Do you know him?

G.G. RESIDENT

No. Do you know Michael Gregovsky?

STRANGER

No.

G.G. RESIDENT

Then we're even. Hey, conductor, why is this train moving so slow?!

SFX: TRAIN FINALLY BEGINS TO PICK UP SPEED AND FADE INTO THE DISTANCE.

NARRATOR

The stranger waves his hands, punching a small break in the smoke and begins to walk towards the funicular.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON WOODEN PLANKS.

STRANGER

Okay, Hillcrest. Let's do this.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 2-3: EXT. VENUS ARMS HOTEL - DAY

SFX: STREET TRAFFIC.

SFX: TROLLEY APPROACHES.

NARRATOR

Several modes of transportation later, the stranger hops off the street trolley.

The STRANGER gives a grunt as he jumps off the trolley.

SFX: TROLLEY NOISE RECEDES INTO THE DISTANCE.

STRANGER

(reading marquee)

"Venus Arms Hotel and Towers." Perfect. This shouldn't take long.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON PAVEMENT MOVE TOWARDS THE DOOR.

NARRATOR

Little does the stranger know, the revolving door is virtually inoperable.

SFX: REVOLVING DOOR SWINGS, THEN STOPS.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

Hahaha. I'm glad I'm not the only one who got caught this time!

STRANGER

(muffled, behind the glass of the doors)

Hey, genius. I'm already inside.

NARRATOR

Oh. Then I'll just...

SFX: DOOR MOVES A BIT, THEN STOPS.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

No. No no no! Somebody get me out of...

SFX: REVOLVING DOOR MOVES A BIT.

NARRATOR (cont'd)

(has an epiphany)

Oh. It goes the other way.

SFX: DOOR ROTATION CONTINUES.

SCENE 2-4: INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY

NARRATOR

(embarrased, trying to get back on track)

The, uh, the stranger approaches the... Most revolving doors go clockwise, right? It's not just me, is it?

(picturing the action in his mind)

I get in and push on...

(takes a breath and gets back to the story.)

The stranger approaches the front desk, where Giles is hard at work studying the hotel's master operations manual.

CAP snores, fast asleep.

GILES

Remove wrenched ankle? Wait. These are the directions for "Operation"! Oh, well, it could still come in handy if Cap ever needs the water on his knees replacement.

STRANGER

You work here?

GILES

(sarcastically)

No. I just enjoy meeting new people. What can I do for you?

STRANGER

You can tell me where I can find Danny Hillcrest.

CAP

(awakening with a start)

Dorsal fin! Find Danny? Why the heck would you want to do a thing like that?

STRANGER

That's my business. Do either of you know where Danny Hillcrest is?

GILES

Shhh. He's like Beetlejuice, except you only need to say his name once.

STRANGER

I've already said it twice.

GILES

So you have. That's odd.

STRANGER

What room is he in?

GILES

Sir. It's against hotel policy to give out such information. It's also, apparently, against our policy to remove a funny bone.

STRANGER

I need to see Hillcrest. Can you call his room?

GILES

I can. But it won't help. He departed the hotel a few hours ago.

CAP

Good! Peace and quiet for a change so I can get back...to...

CAP begins to snore again.

STRANGER

Can send him a text?

GILES

Why would I have his phone number? The object is to avoid him.

STRANGER

I suppose that means you also don't have his email address?

GILES

Bingo.

CAP

(awakens with a start)

Bingo? Hang on! Let me get my card. Nope. No whammies. Next time, try to...throw the ball...right...down the...

CAP begins to snore again.

GILES

(to himself)

I think Cap's comfy chair is a bit too comfy.

(to STRANGER)

Sir, in spite of what you may have been told, I am not Danny's administrative assistant. He left in a hurry after lunch in our restaurant. Perhaps the maître d' can help you. The host station is right there, across the lobby.

STRANGER

Fine.

SFX: FOOTSTEPS ON MARBLE FLOOR.

NARRATOR

The stranger crosses the ornate Venus Arms lobby, passing by an empty glass case at the center of the room. It's where Abby Falmacher plans on placing the actual arms of the Venus de Milo statue if they are ever located. The stranger walks up to the host station, where a well-dressed gentleman stands at the ready.

SCENE 2-5: INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT HOST STATION - DAY

MAÎTRE D'

(pleasantly enough)

Welcome to Le Restaurant mal Allumé. Je regrette, we are currently closed.

STRANGER

Are you in charge?

MAÎTRE D'

Monsieur, I have been with the restaurant for over 11 years. Perhaps it is my penance for some unremembered offense. Who can say? I am in charge of the entire establishment – except, of course, the kitchen. And the sommelier. And the wait staff.

(sighs, realizing he controls nothing)

How may I help you?

STRANGER

I'm looking for Danny Hillcrest.

MAÎTRE D'

(sudden mood change to disgust)

Then may I suggest you look in the nearest sewer, Monsieur? That clumsy ox is no longer welcome here.

STRANGER

But he was here earlier, right? And he left in a hurry?

MAÎTRE D'

This is true.

STRANGER

Tell me what happened. Maybe something will help me find him.

OUTRO 2-6: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

NARRATOR

Why is this stranger so interested in finding Danny Hillcrest? Is he hoping to make history by actually being the first person who actually wants to speak to Danny? Maybe it simply has to do with that borrowing Danny did to send out his scripts. Because that would make much more sense. For revelations, be sure to come back for Chapter 3: Puzzles Galore.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" THEME IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

Are you liking the show? Then be sure to subscribe, so you never miss an episode. comedy4cast is listed on iTunes, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio and more.

In this episode, as the Grassssssside Greene resident, John Bell, from the "Bell's in the Batfry" podcast, TheBatfry.com. As the stranger, Grant Johnson, VoiceGranted.com. As the maître d', Nathan Alvord. And the Narrator was played by Gary J. Chambers, GaryJChambersVO.com.

Additional voices, as well as story and music by Clinton Alvord. Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

See you next time. But for now, that's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

MUSIC: END CREDITS VERSION OF "BIG SHOT" UP AND ENDS.