sketch-766

comedy4cast #766:
Ghost Of A Second Chance

Written by
Clinton Alvord

CAST (in order of appearance)

ID ANNOUNCER...............COMPUTER

CLINTON....................CLINTON ALVORD

CINDY......................BONNIE KENDERDINE

DANNY......................CLINTON ALVORD

LENNY......................CLINTON ALVORD

SIR PATRICK................SIR PATRICK STEWART

INTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

SOUND: COMEDY4CAST NETWORK ID STING

ID ANNOUNCER

The comedy4cast network. Let's dog ear that for now.

SOUND: CHIRP AS ID BACKGROUND ENDS.

MUSIC: COMEDY4CAST INTRO MUSIC IN AND UNDER.

CLINTON

Oh, hi! You're here. Let's get started. This is comedy4cast episode 766, "Ghost of a Second Chance". Brought to you by the totally awesome comedy4cast Patreon patrons. Thank you!

MUSIC: UP AND OUT.

SCENE 1: EXT. SIDEWALK NEAR THE VENUS ARMS - JUST BEFORE DUSK

CINDY is standing in front of the hatch that leads to the library in The Tunnels. She is reluctant to head down there again, and is having a conversation with herself. A conversation that's not always focused.

SOUND: LIGHT TRAFFIC IN THE DISTANCE.

CINDY

Like. I really thought it got dark earlier than this. I've been in the sunlight for, like, three minutes already. Not cool.

SOUND: BIRD CALL.

CINDY (cont'd)

(Back to the pep talk.)

Like, focus, Cindy. You have to get down there before anyone, like, notices this secret way into The Tunnels.

SOUND: HATCH WHEEL SPINS AND CREAKS OPEN.

DANNY

Hi! Danny Hillcrest here!

SOUND: HATCH LID SLAMS DOWN.

CINDY

Like, aaaahhhh!

DANNY

Aaaahhhh!

CINDY

Why are you screaming?

DANNY

Sorry. I have a needfully unhealthy desire to fit in with the pack.

CINDY

Like, FOMO?

DANNY

Wow! Same to you!

CINDY

Like, what are you doing here, Danny?

DANNY

I was on my way to that letterbox-format, drop-off container over there to mail a reworked holiday movie script to Netflix. Hallmark and Lifetime rejected the Christmas-formatted version, so I did a slight tweak. My hot new take is that it's the story of two star-crossed florists who accidentally swap Google calendars. I call it "Valentine's Day and Date".

SOUND: CRICKETS CHURP.

(Not sounding so sure.)

I'm sure they'll love this one! I'm running out of copy typing paper. What are you doing here?

CINDY

(Trying to hide her true purpose.)

Oh. Like, I was just, uh, making sure this hatch didn't lead to, like, the river Styx.

DANNY

I love it! And don't worry. It's just a hush-your-mouth secret entrance to the library in The Tunnels. You should know that. You own them. Okay. Bye!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON GRASS FADE AWAY AS DANNY LEAVES.

CINDY

(To herself.)

Like, okay. Time to do this.

SOUND: HATCH WHEEL SPINS AND CREAKS OPEN.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON METAL STAIRS.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 2: INT. UNDERGROUND LIBRARY - DUSK

Unlike the last time we visited this room, the library is eerily silent. The spheres are gone, taking their ethereal chorus of tones with them. Now, every sound made in the library carries a slight, hollow echo.

SOUND: FAINT SOUND OF WIND WHISTLING THROUGH THE TUNNELS.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.

CINDY

Like, with all the power gone, it's pitch back down here in the library. And like, deadly silent. Cool.

SOUND: SLOW FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL.

SOUND: CINDY BUMPS INTO A PIECE OF FURNITURE.

SOUND: VASE SMASHES TO THE FLOOR.

CINDY (cont'd)

Like. Bummer. Well, that's okay, but maybe I'd better go...

SOUND: CINDY BUMPS INTO A PIECE OF FURNITURE.

SOUND: ANOTHER, LARGER ITEM SMASHES TO THE FLOOR.

CINDY (cont'd)

Like, wow. Books are way more brittle than I thought. Maybe this is, like, a metaphor for how fragile our, like, right to read whatever we...

SOUND: CINDY BUMPS INTO A PIECE OF FURNITURE.

SOUND: ANOTHER, EVEN LARGER ITEM SMASHES TO THE FLOOR.

CINDY (cont'd)

Like, maybe I'd better use the flashlight.

SOUND: CLICK OF FLASHLIGHT BEING TURNED ON.

CINDY (cont'd)

Like, all the books are still here.

(A bit more melancholy than usual.)

Well, except for the ones that Romeo Sykes wrote about the spheres.

SOUND: FROM A DISTANCE, THE SOUND OF PRINCESS'S MOTOR APPROACHES.

CINDY (cont'd)

Like, I knew the creepy, bizarre quiet was, like, too good to last. Like, that sounds like Princess.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS WALK TOWARDS THE DOORS OF THE LIBRARY.

SOUND: DOORS CREAK OPEN.

SCENE 3: INT. TUNNEL OUTSIDE LIBRARY - DUSK

SOUND: FAINT SOUND OF WIND WHISTLING THROUGH THE TUNNELS.

SOUND: MOTOR SOUND GROWS LOUDER.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

CINDY

Like, I didn't know you were still down here, like, doing your route. I mean, like, there's no one here.

(A realization.)

Like, wait. Princess, you can give me a ride -- to, like, the other end of The Tunnels.

SOUND: BUS DOOR OPENS.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON BUS STAIRS.

CINDY (cont'd)

It may be the, like, last time though.

SOUND: BUS DOOR CLOSES.

CINDY (cont'd)

I think I have to, like, close The Tunnels.

SOUND: GEARS ENGAGE.

SOUND: GRAVEL CRUNCHES BENEATH TIRES.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 4: INT. BUS - NIGHT

SOUND: MOTOR HUMS IS HEARD FROM INSIDE THE BUS.

SOUND: CRUNCH OF GRAVEL UNDER TIRES SLOWLY ROLLS TO A STOP.

SOUND: MOTOR SLOWS TO AN IDLE.

CINDY

Like, hey, Princess, this isn't, like, the other end of the tunnels. Like, this is just the Underdome.

MUSIC: ROCK MUSIC IS FAINTLY HEARD IN THE DISTANCE.

CINDY (cont'd)

What's that noise?

SOUND: BUS DOOR OPENS.

CINDY (cont'd)

I hope it's not, like, ghosts. Ghosts are the worst. Like, way too bright and shiny.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS WALKING DOWN BUS STEPS.

CINDY (cont'd)

Is that, like, a light on way over there in Buzz's Tunnel Radio station?

(A bit angry.)

Now I'm going to have to, like, walk all the way over there. Like, all that sunshine wasn't enough? Now I have to have, like, exercise, too? This is so not cool.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 5: INT. UNDERDOME, OUTSIDE BUZZ'S STUDIO - NIGHT

MUSIC: ROCK MUSIC IS NOW MUCH LOUDER, BUT MUFFLED BEHIND DOOR.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS WALKING ON GRAVEL.

CINDY

Like, at least Buzz's playlist has, like, improved.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

SOUND: KNOCK ON DOOR.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

MUSIC: VOLUME AND CLARITY SHOOT UP AS DOOR OPENS.

LENNY

Basically, hey, Cindy.

CINDY

Like, Lenny?

Are you, basically, delivering my pizza? Cool. But, can you, basically, loan me a few bucks so I can tip you?

CINDY (cont'd)

What are you doing in here?

LENNY

Basically, rocking out.

MUSIC: SONG ENDS.

LENNY (cont'd)

Rocking out done.

CINDY

Like, no. I mean, everyone else left months ago after all the, like, spheres floated away.

MUSIC: "LENNY'S THEME" COME IN AND UNDER.

LENNY

Basically, oh. That's why no one ever told me to turn down my tunes. Basically, I was worried I had accidentally tapped into the public zeitgeist.

CINDY

Like, I think I'm going to have to, like, ask you to leave.

LENNY

Are you, basically, "the man" now?

CINDY

Like, no. I'm "the woman". And, like, I have to shut down The Tunnels.

LENNY

Basically, why? Aren't you down with the idea of using this place for art?

CINDY

That's not it. Didn't you notice that the spheres that used to, like, power The Tunnels are, like, all gone?

LENNY

Basically, no. I was busy doing "The Basically Podcast" Show. Which is my show. And by the way, you've been gone so long, I, basically, may have to replace you as my co-host. Sorry. But, basically, podcasting is a pretty intense business.

CINDY

Like, Lenny. You have to go.

LENNY

(Not wanting to leave.)

But, basically, I just got settled into this new studio. Why don't you just, basically, use The Tunnels for something new?

CINDY

Like what?

LENNY

Basically...I don' know.

SOUND: INSTANT MESSAGE TONES.

LENNY (cont'd)

Basically, Nomad451 just sent me an instant message.

CINDY

Like, wait. Since when do phones work down here?

LENNY

Basically, I think ever since the spheres left.

(Reading message.)

The message says "You should think about using the Underdome."

CINDY

Like, for what? It's a, like, big, empty mile-wide underground rotunda.

LENNY

Basically, how about a parking lot?

CINDY

Like, Lenny, why would anyone go someplace to, like, just park in the dark?

LENNY

Basically, you missed out on a lot as a teen, didn't you? But, also, basically, back in the day, people would go to drive-in movies to, basically, drive in and see a movie. Basically, you could show movies 24 hours a day. I'm exhausted saying that.

CINDY

Like, this place is so big...

LENNY.

Basically, how big is it?

CINDY

I could put in, like, six screens.

LENNY.

I thought there'd be a bigger payoff to that setup.

CINDY

But, like, there's a big problem, Lenny.

LENNY

The idea that cinema is dead?

CINDY

Like, no. There's no power down here to, like, run the projectors and stuff.

LENNY

Basically, oh, yeah. Bummer.

CINDY

(Suddenly realizing something.)

Like, wait. Lenny -- how come you have, power?

LENNY

When everything went dark I went looking for candles. Or snacks. Or snacks I could light on fire. I didn't find any. But I found some hallways down here where the wind is, basically, pretty intense. So I set up a bunch of windmills and they generate a lot of power. See?

SOUND: SWITCH THROWN.

SOUND: ELECTRICITY HUMS.

CINDY

Like, cool. Maybe this could work. But, like, what do I call a drive-in in a big round space in a tunnel?

LENNY

Theaters in the underground?

CINDY

Day for night drive-ins?

SOUND: INSTANT MESSAGE TONES.

LENNY

Basically, Nomad451 has an idea.

CINDY

Like, what?

LENNY

Cine-round-a-dome.

CINDY

Like, cool.

LENNY

That idea rocks. RSS rules!

MUSIC: LENNY'S THEME UP, THEN FAST FADE.

MUSIC: TRANSITION STING.

SCENE 6: EXT. TOWN CURBSIDE MAILBOX - DAY

SOUND: LIGHT TRAFFIC.

DANNY

Wait! My Tommy McHolland no way spidey senses are tingling. Someone is opening a movie theater! I need to go help!

(Grunting noise.)

As soon as I can my arm out of this mailbox slot. Note to self: Danny, next time, let go of the package.

OUTRO: COMEDY4CAST STUDIO

CLINTON

In this episode, the part Cindy was played by Bonnie Kenderdine.

MUSIC: "COMEDY4CAST" END THEME IN AND UNDER.

SIR PATRICK

My goodness! Look at the time. Let's wrap this up, shall we?

CLINTON

Right you are, Sir Patrick. But first, a shout out to our Patreon patrons. Thanks to Charlotte, Stan, Zack, Barry, Amy, Howard, Krazy Joe Adventures, Chuck, Paul, Kyle, Mike, Steve, Bryn, Gary, Darren and Kalynn. If you'd like to help support comedy4cast -- for as little as a dollar a month, and get episodes before everyone else -- go to patreon.com slash comedy4cast -- all one word, with the number "4". Thank you!

SIR PATRICK

As always, this is Sir Patrick Stewart.

CLINTON

And I'm Clinton

SIR PATRICK

Saying

CLINTON

That's it. We're done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

SIR PATRICK

That's it. We're done, done, done, done, done.

MUSIC: UP AND OUT.

--END--

(cont'd)