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And The Rest

More Odd News than you can handle!

It’s the last day of the 2021 Dog Days of Podcasting. That means it’s time to roll up the carpet on our daily Odd News stories until next August. But, before we close the books on this odd Summer, Clinton wants to share a few special headlines with you. (Run time: 7-1/2 minutes)

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Transcript:

CLINTON

Oh, hi there. Clinton here. And here isn’t today’s odd news story.

See, we’ve reached the end of the 2021 Dog Days of Podcasting event. I could bring you one more Odd News story, but I’ve collected so many. It just doesn’t seem fair to have any of them fade away without recognizing their true absurdity. No, these stories are too Odd to go to waste.

Sure, I could save them for next year. But if doing this two years in a row has taught me anything, is that odd is a constant. There will be more insanity between now and next August. And then, during the next Dog Days, you and I will share those small tears in the fabric of the universe.

So, let us end the 2021 Dog Days of Podcasting with a countdown of the 32 oddest story headlines we didn’t get a chance to cover.

32: France’s Macron: I will not surrender my umbrella

31: Georgia firefighters help ‘embarrassed’ raccoon out of a jam

30: Doritos pay teen £15,000 for super rare ‘puffed out’ nacho chip

29: Loose wallaby captured in Pennsylvania, origins remain a mystery.

28: Single teacher breaks off engagement and marries herself in (£50) wedding instead

27: Identical twin women find love with identical twin brothers – and all live together

26: Police respond to report of home intruder, find robot vacuum

25: Man finds $130,000 taped to bottom of used fridge

24: Bear tears up car, leaves beer cans unopened after getting trapped inside vehicle in Colorado

23: Finalists announced in search for America’s Best Restroom

22: Australia man ties bedsheets together to escape 4th floor hotel quarantine

21: Man builds drivable Navy destroyer on golf cart

20: ‘I live in the Tower of London – I’ve seen ghosts and need permission to leave’

19: Animal rescuers in Iowa find reported loose gator was plush toy

18: British Columbia singer breaks record for lowest note by a female.

17: Woman wearing fox costume chases daughter down Chicago streets.

16: A Small Florida Town Accidentally Sold Its Water Tower For $55,000

15: Silver monolith torched in Congo after mysterious appearance

14: Couple who ‘couldn’t afford a Lamborghini’ decided to buy a hearse instead

13: Police Say A Cicada Is Responsible For A Car Crash In Ohio

12: Man who died 3,000 years ago with 790 injuries is earliest known shark attack victim

11: Goose flying upside down was showing off to friends, say experts

10: Groom goes to wrong wedding venue, nearly marries a stranger in Indonesia

9: Listen to the music of a spider’s web. Tell me what do you hear?
8: Woman explains why you should always ‘stay away’ from random staircases in the woods

7: Feline okay? The app that tells you if your cat’s happy

6: Mechanic customizes car to shoot flames from headlights

5: Man bowls a perfect game with ball containing his father’s ashes

4: Fish with mouth of human-like teeth caught in North Carolina

3: Noah’s Ark impounded in Ipswich for not having paperwork to say it’s seaworthy

1: Backseat cows spotted in Wisconsin McDonald’s drive-through line

1: Doctors figure out why woman was lactating from her armpit.
CLINTON
Okay, hopefully that was enough Odd to hold you over for a while. After a short break to take care of some convention travel, comedy4cast will be back, as we return to more of what has been going on in Middling Fair, that will lead up to our next every-day-of-the-month event, the April 2022 Podcast-a-Day Spectacular, and then, eventually it’s back to another month of Odd News next summer.

But for now, thank for listening. And that’s it. We’re done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

Treaties Rock

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Historians witness history on the move.

What do a simple farmer, a bunch of historians and Napoleon have to do with each other? They probably didn’t all share an Uber. Find out what it’s all about by listening to this Odd News story. (Run time: 5 minutes)

Transcript:

CLINTON

Since the dawn of civilization, people have defended their homes, their tribes and, eventually, the borders of their countries. Wars have been waged, harsh words spoken, and even the occasional finger has been wagged in a very impolite way. Manors people, manors. We’re not animals.

But, recently, one farmer overturned the applecart of history by single-handedly changing the internationally-recognized border between two nations. And they did it without firing a single shot, bribing a single official, or even having a clue that they were doing it.

While tending their fields, a Belgian farmer moved a 330-pound stone out of the path of their tractor. Presumably using the tractor to accomplish this task. I mean, unless there’s a superhero aspect to this story that I missed.

Anyway, the farmer moved the stone 7 and a half feet and when on about the business of tending their crops. What crops? I don’t know. Let’s say pretzels. And not the tiny ones. The big, honkin’ size-of-your-head pretzels. The key is salting them at just the right time, because if it rains, all your work gets washed away.

but let’s dog ear that for now.

What the farmer didn’t know was that a roaming band of historians were out and about in the area. Side note: if you ever run into a wild pack of historians, don’t run, they smell fear. Simply ask them to explain the transition between the middle ages and the renaissance. While they’re busy arguing the finer points of traditional beliefs that it stems from the rise of humanism versus the modern opinion that the term is a meaningless delineation, you can slip away.

On this particular day, the historians were studying stones that are used to mark the 620 kilometer border between Belgium and France. These massive markers were put in place under the 1820 Treaty of Kortrijk, after Napoleon’s defeat at Waterloo in 1815.

All was going well. Until they discovered, to their horror, that one of the stones had been moved 7 and a half feet into what was, or had been up until that moment, Bousignies-sur-roc, France.

That’s right. In the farmer’s desire to speed the process of tilling their pretzel fields, the Belgian had unwittingly moved a section of the Franco-Belgian border by 2.3 meters.

When Mayor David Lavaux, of Erquelinnes, Belgium was notified about the incident, he said “Belgium and our municipality are enlarged! The French don’t agree, obviously.”

We’re not sure how many troops were dispatched to the area, or how many calls he received from the United Nations, NATO and Rand McNally, but Lavaux added, “Gonna have to put things back in place.”

Lavaux said the farmer will not face any legal consequences if they returns the stone to its original position. However, the farmer may be considering another option. If enough of the border stones rest on their property, it might be possible to place the rocks in a circle, forming the new, independent nation of “Pretzel-vania!”

SOUND: CLAP OF THUNDER

CLINTON

(LAUGHING.) Ah, ha, ha. But for now, that’s it, we’re done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

Fish Bicycle For Sale

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Sharks will find a way.

Something unusual has happened at an aquarium on the island of Sardinia. That gives us an excuse to head back to Europe to investigate another water-based Odd News story. (Run time: 4 minutes)

Transcript:

CLINTON:

Today’s story takes us back to Italy. To the Acquario Cala Gonone in Sardinia to be precise. This lovely Aquarium sits atop a hill that affords a breathtaking view of the Mediterranean. Too bad, because we’re headed inside right away. No time for a selfie. Okay. Maybe just one. Or two.

All right. Are we set now? Good. Let’s head inside. Admission? Uh, let’s see. Adults, 12 euros. children 4-12, 6.50. Is anyone in the group over 65? Because that’s 9 euros.

Everyone set? Great. Here we go. We want to go directly to the shark exhibit. Uh, did anyone grab an aquarium map? What? No. I don’t know where the lavatory is? I don’t have a map. Can someone get a…Wait. Where are you people going. What do you mean? It’s not time for a snack.

Okay, you know what, you and I will head this way. I see a sign over here. This is the way we want to go. This is the tank that is home to the aquariums two female smooth-hound sharks. Hmmm? There are three sharks in there? Ah, yes. That’s the odd news.

You see, the aquarium has been home to these two smooth-hound sharks for over a decade. Just two females. But one of them recently gave birth. That one there, the baby, is named Isperia.

Chances are good they didn’t name it that in honor of the character from “Magic: The Gathering.” The name means “Hope.” But the big story here is that this means that smooth-hound sharks are probably capable of parthenogenesis.

I know. That sounds like it’s the origin story for the Parthenon, but no. It’s a form of asexual reproduction and this would be the first documented case of it in this type of shark.

In parthenogenesis, the egg is fertilized by what is known as a polar cell. It contains a duplicate of an egg’s DNA. That means Isperia would actually be a genetic clone of her mother. So, when someone says to them “You two look so much alike.” they would be 100% correct.

This biological process has only been observed in three species of shark: the bonnethead, the blacktip shark and the zebra shark.

The aquarium will be running DNA tests to help verify that Isperia is, in fact, a genetic clone. They should also warn Ingen that there may be a problem with the dinosaurs in their Jurassic Park. Can you hear me, Doctor Wu?

Okay now, let’s find the rest of the group. What do you mean they went out on a boat tour? What if Wally the Walrus is out there?

This Story Has Been Framed

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Looking for art in all the wrong places.

When homeowners find a misplaced painting and bring it in for restoration, they discover a shocking secret. (Run time: 3-1/2 minutes)

Transcript:

CLINTON
Oh, hi there. Clinton here. And here’s today’s odd news story.

If you want proof that things are the same no matter where you live, look no farther than this story that comes to us from Italy.

Rembrandt’s “The Adoration of the Magi” was painted by the artist in the early 1630’s. And was consider to be one of the master’s great paintings. Great lost painting, that is. Until 2016. That’s when the owners of a country home in Rome province found it after it had fallen off the wall of their villa. My guess is it fell behind the couch and ended up spending the next few years hanging out with dust bunnies, biscotti crumbs and one or two euro coins. Kinda like what happened to your TV remote last week.

The painting, that the owners believed was a copy, was sent to art restorer Antonella Di Francesco for repairs. Di Francesco is rumored to have apprenticed by restoring such masterpieces as the Kramer, Washington crossing the Delaware on a 2005 Honda Jet Ski and Dogs sitting around a table playing Settlers of Katan.

Even though the painting had been darkened by old varnish, it only took a little bit of cleaning before Di Francesco realized it was the work of the great Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn. Pretty good, since it could have been easy to mistake if for the work of the famed Dutch accessories store Rembrandt While-You-Wait. Timeless masterpieces in an hour. Guaranteed. Caution, wet paint.

But lets dog ear that for now.

In June, the French Academy of the Villa Medici in Rome confirmed that the painting was indeed an original at the symposium “Rembrandt: Identifying the Prototype, Seeing the Invisible,” Rembrandt used to paint invisible paintings? Restoring those must be tricky.

The Roman family that owns the painting could sell the work, which is valued a somewhere between $80 and $240 million dollars. Instead, they plan to lend it to museums and galleries for public viewing. At least that was the plan. The painting seems to have gone missing again. Right around the same time the family discovered they couldn’t find the the controller for their playstation.

But for now, that’s it, we’re done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.

Choice of Toppings

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The numbers don’t lie. This is a perfect slice.

A pair of mathematicians have run the numbers and have devised a way to guarantee you get the perfect slice of pizza. Today, we will tell you how you can easily replicate their results. (Run time: 5 minutes)

Transcript:

CLINTON

Oh, hi there. Clinton here. And here’s today’s odd news story.

It’s a problem we’ve all faced — “How do I cut my pizza into 12 geometrically-perfect, completely equal slices?” Well, the answer is simple — according to Joel Haddley and Stephen Worsley.

While Haddley and Worsley sound like the vaudeville act that time forgot, they are actually mathematicians from the University of Liverpool. They’ve devised a pizza slice pattern by using a method that in the maths world is known as “monohedral disc tiling.”

Here’s all you need to do: First, order a pie from your favorite pizzeria, but simply tell them to not pre-slice it. They’ll be happy to do that! After all, we all know how easy it is to not do something that years of endless repetition has drilled into your scull to the point of it being muscle memory.

AUDIO BEGINS TO SPEED UP IN SMALL INCRIMENTS.

Then, cut the pizza into six radial-curved slices, each emanating from the exact center of the pizza. Obviously each cut must be spaced at precise 60 degree intervals. Haddley and Worsley used a three-arm protractor in their field experiments. You’re strongly encouraged to do the same.

You will end up with what can crudely be called a “star pattern.” With apologies to Neil DeGrasse-Tyson. If your pizza does not reflect this shape, please destroy the defective sample, order another pizza and try again — remembering the golden rule of any such project, measure twice, slice once — five times.

At this point, it is recommended that you take a short break, as a steady hand will be needed to complete the task. And please, no adult beverages during your off cycle. “Clear head, mathmatically-perfect slices.”

Gathering your wits, your pizza slicer and your protractor, you will now need to make a second set of cuts to each of the master incisions from the first session. At this stage of the project, you will have reached a critical juncture. There are two options for the second slicing pattern. One method will result in tapered slices, all emanating from the core, or hub, or center of the pizza. We will label that the “equilateral edge” option. Or, by employing the second technique, your resultant product will yield 6 slices with crust and 6 slices devoid of exposed dough edge. It is recommended that you poll your guests, presenting the benefits and drawbacks of each option. A PowerPoint presentation is highly recommended, in the unlikely event there are non-mathematicians in your group, unaccustomed to visualizing basic geometry theory.

Rank stack choice voting could result in…

SOUND: RECORD SCRATCH.

You know what? Originally I was choosing between two stories for this last Pizza Friday entry for 2021 Dog Days. I clearly made the wrong choice. So, may I introduce to you…

The “Pizza Pocket” hoodie. Invented by New Jersey resident Mike Hourani, this stylish garment is highlighted by a giant pizza slice graphic on the front — a good-old triangular pizza slice, with the crust edge up. But that bold illustration hides a secret. Unzip the zipper at the top and you’ll find a hidden, wedge-shaped pocket. Inside is a food-grade insulated pouch.

That’s right, now you can carry a warm slice of pizza with you where ever you go! Because maths is hard, but pizza should be easy!

But for now, that’s it, we’re done, done, done, done, done. Bye bye.